I'm in a video chat room where half the women are married. Hello future wives!
Red wine and Viagra, I'm getting stiff again. It's Heartbreak...Oh wait. Not it's not.
@bunnyears Beer was the chaser this evening.
@karenrowena I've seen the filth of your tweets before. I'm simultaneously slightly turned on and very scared...
@meeshell78 Why hello there. I will chase you. Pop some pepto bysmol. I'll be over in a half hour.
Why am I so bad so late at night? I'm not always like this. What is my wife slipping me? I should paper cut her. So confused.
@KarenRowena There is nothing bad about you or what you do
@caitinlv Do you know how long it takes an elderly man like me to get 'she's like the wind' out of his mind? Forever. Thanks.
@caitinlv Oh lady. You know how to sweet talk me. I'll be there in three days.
@caitinlv I'll even show off some of that fancy cane work I've been working on.
@caitinlv Make that six days. I have to go to NYC and smack Kristen Wiig around a bit for being so awful. Then I'll be there.
@yearinla Let's go to NYC and smack Kristin Wiig around. I don't even care enough to spell her name the same way twice.
@yearinla Well then, young lady, you shall be her only defense.
@johncmayer Toyotathon is only what you make of it, young man. Like Christmas and the Bath and Body Works semi-annual sale.
Why do they have dramatizations in a toilet paper commercial? I don't need to see toilet paper shards on a bear's ass.
Where are my questions, children? http://www.formspring.me/JohnMayerAsASim
Q:Where do you look for downloads for your... A:http://mysims3blog.blogspot.com/ - it ha... http://formspring.me/JohnMayerAsASim/q/100715308
Q:What in your opinion caused the crash of... A:Electromagnetic issues with the island i... http://formspring.me/JohnMayerAsASim/q/100722312
Look at these late night infomercials thinking they're getting my money. Cash for cotton? How silly.
That was actually me in the hit 80's film 'Coming to America.'
Must invest in more Steve Martin's All-Natural Penis Beauty Cream. However, must remember it does not work on my face.
Yeah, I knew I'd get more followers for mentioning the word 'Penis' in a status update.
One word stories: Prostate
Taint
@KarenRowena Dear Lady: you shouldn't speak so dirty.
Which one of you sent me back to the 80s? They're playing Iko Iko at the Starbucks my family brought me to. I feel like Rain Man.
Definitely gonna kill someone, def-definitely forgot my denture cream, gotta watch porn tonight. Maddy and I are getting out of here. Crazy.
@IsabelaLaurence I don't get to watch a lot of porn these days, too many people in this stupid house with me.
@IsabelaLaurence 3D porn is a sign of the Apocalypse. Run. Never bring this up again. I need to drink more Ensure w/Bailey's.
@cwm76 People should be shot execution style for their illegal use of the ellipses.
@danewhite007 I assure you, I watch porn. I just have to watch it on my John Mayer Brand Old Man Ipod, which is 8x8 inches wide w/subtitles.
Now in stores: the John Mayer Brand Old Man Ipod, 8x8 Inches with Subtitles standard (not optional). So basically, it's a smaller iPad.
Tomorrow I'm going to take Maddy to the playground. If the other kids tease her, I'll buy the playground and fence them out. Charge a cover.
http://twitpic.com/10rzbk - Maddy will fuck your shit up. I swear.
Now taking suggestions for what to accept as a cover charge on the playground for kids who may tease my princess http://twitpic.com/10rzbk
@IsabelaLaurence yep she is and no i don't.
http://twitpic.com/10rzbk - And that's just a Ken Doll. Hopefully she'll remember this when boyfriends piss her off.
@IsabelaLaurence I have 4 children, 1 grandchild. I don't understand the second half of your question.
I can't watch the #grammys with all these screaming family members running around. Why are you using my 23 grammys as spice holders?
Yes, I said it: 23 Grammys.
@IsabelaLaurence why are you telling me this? I do not know her
@IsabelaLaurence Okay, granted. But Beyonce is talented and deserves recognition. She's earned that.
@IsabelaLaurence I completely disagree with you in the case of Beyonce.
@IsabelaLaurence No. It's because Battle Studies came out too late for it to meet the eligibility dates for Grammy Nominations. Google it.
@IsabelaLaurence I'm going to have to block you if you continue to ask me things that you can easily find out on the internet.
@IsabelaLaurence I'm sorry. Something always gets lost in translation.
@jason_mraz so glad you won. You are truly one of the kindest out there! so deserving and amazing!
Why does Mary J. Blige have to cover every song that makes me cry? First U2's 'One' and now 'Bridge Over Troubled Water'?
@caitinlv I want to hire her to sing in my bedroom while my wife and I get it on. What will she sing? DVD installation instructions.
@catdsilver There's something happening in my pajama pants, come quick! Nevermind, it stopped once I looked at Roberta Flack's face.
Red wine and Viagra, I'm getting stiff again. It's Heartbreak...Oh wait. Not it's not.
@bunnyears Beer was the chaser this evening.
@karenrowena I've seen the filth of your tweets before. I'm simultaneously slightly turned on and very scared...
@meeshell78 Why hello there. I will chase you. Pop some pepto bysmol. I'll be over in a half hour.
Why am I so bad so late at night? I'm not always like this. What is my wife slipping me? I should paper cut her. So confused.
@KarenRowena There is nothing bad about you or what you do
@caitinlv Do you know how long it takes an elderly man like me to get 'she's like the wind' out of his mind? Forever. Thanks.
@caitinlv Oh lady. You know how to sweet talk me. I'll be there in three days.
@caitinlv I'll even show off some of that fancy cane work I've been working on.
@caitinlv Make that six days. I have to go to NYC and smack Kristen Wiig around a bit for being so awful. Then I'll be there.
@yearinla Let's go to NYC and smack Kristin Wiig around. I don't even care enough to spell her name the same way twice.
@yearinla Well then, young lady, you shall be her only defense.
@johncmayer Toyotathon is only what you make of it, young man. Like Christmas and the Bath and Body Works semi-annual sale.
Why do they have dramatizations in a toilet paper commercial? I don't need to see toilet paper shards on a bear's ass.
Where are my questions, children? http://www.formspring.me/JohnMayerAsASim
Q:Where do you look for downloads for your... A:http://mysims3blog.blogspot.com/ - it ha... http://formspring.me/JohnMayerAsASim/q/100715308
Q:What in your opinion caused the crash of... A:Electromagnetic issues with the island i... http://formspring.me/JohnMayerAsASim/q/100722312
Look at these late night infomercials thinking they're getting my money. Cash for cotton? How silly.
That was actually me in the hit 80's film 'Coming to America.'
Must invest in more Steve Martin's All-Natural Penis Beauty Cream. However, must remember it does not work on my face.
Yeah, I knew I'd get more followers for mentioning the word 'Penis' in a status update.
One word stories: Prostate
Taint
@KarenRowena Dear Lady: you shouldn't speak so dirty.
Which one of you sent me back to the 80s? They're playing Iko Iko at the Starbucks my family brought me to. I feel like Rain Man.
Definitely gonna kill someone, def-definitely forgot my denture cream, gotta watch porn tonight. Maddy and I are getting out of here. Crazy.
@IsabelaLaurence I don't get to watch a lot of porn these days, too many people in this stupid house with me.
@IsabelaLaurence 3D porn is a sign of the Apocalypse. Run. Never bring this up again. I need to drink more Ensure w/Bailey's.
@cwm76 People should be shot execution style for their illegal use of the ellipses.
@danewhite007 I assure you, I watch porn. I just have to watch it on my John Mayer Brand Old Man Ipod, which is 8x8 inches wide w/subtitles.
Now in stores: the John Mayer Brand Old Man Ipod, 8x8 Inches with Subtitles standard (not optional). So basically, it's a smaller iPad.
Tomorrow I'm going to take Maddy to the playground. If the other kids tease her, I'll buy the playground and fence them out. Charge a cover.
http://twitpic.com/10rzbk - Maddy will fuck your shit up. I swear.
Now taking suggestions for what to accept as a cover charge on the playground for kids who may tease my princess http://twitpic.com/10rzbk
@IsabelaLaurence yep she is and no i don't.
http://twitpic.com/10rzbk - And that's just a Ken Doll. Hopefully she'll remember this when boyfriends piss her off.
@IsabelaLaurence I have 4 children, 1 grandchild. I don't understand the second half of your question.
I can't watch the #grammys with all these screaming family members running around. Why are you using my 23 grammys as spice holders?
Yes, I said it: 23 Grammys.
@IsabelaLaurence why are you telling me this? I do not know her
@IsabelaLaurence Okay, granted. But Beyonce is talented and deserves recognition. She's earned that.
@IsabelaLaurence I completely disagree with you in the case of Beyonce.
@IsabelaLaurence No. It's because Battle Studies came out too late for it to meet the eligibility dates for Grammy Nominations. Google it.
@IsabelaLaurence I'm going to have to block you if you continue to ask me things that you can easily find out on the internet.
@IsabelaLaurence I'm sorry. Something always gets lost in translation.
@jason_mraz so glad you won. You are truly one of the kindest out there! so deserving and amazing!
Why does Mary J. Blige have to cover every song that makes me cry? First U2's 'One' and now 'Bridge Over Troubled Water'?
@caitinlv I want to hire her to sing in my bedroom while my wife and I get it on. What will she sing? DVD installation instructions.
@catdsilver There's something happening in my pajama pants, come quick! Nevermind, it stopped once I looked at Roberta Flack's face.
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