The house:
There will never be a studio. There will never be silence. There will always be children and cars and diapers and too much noise.
All this old man can do is go on Twitter and cry about how miserable he is, how much he hates the assholes at Starbucks or how great his life is now that Maddy is there.
The wife:
Cat
John's beloved third or fourth wife, Cat. The truth is that there are simply too many to count. He had a baby with her - Belvedere - but soon sold him off because he looked like Bobby Hill. Very glad he's gone. Anyways, nobody knows what her job is. Maybe she is a fashion designer or music representative. I'm not sure. I'll work this into a strip sometime in the future when I'm bored. Her main job is to hit on John and his adult children when he's not looking. Oh, and to take Maddy shopping.
Walls Mayer. Why Walls? Cause his first wife wanted revenge for the lack of them in their first house. He's clearly caught her sparkling disease. I'd give him a girlfriend but that'd mean more babies in that house and there's simply no room for that crap. He always wants his father's attention but is never getting it. It's pretty sad. I'm sure he'd be an interesting individual if I ever cared enough to develop his personality or give him a career or an actual life. But I won't. Here are some strips which feature him as he grows up.
That's Walls' mother. I don't know where the hell she is. I can't even remember her name. I killed her off and she became a ghost.
I think she was originally a maid or something like that.
Seriously, Steve from Tough Love. Amazing resemblance isn't it? I don't know who he slept with to make this happen but meet Dominic. He looks like he's in the mafia or something. Maybe I'll make him a matchmaker that way he'll have something to do. He's actually had good luck with women because he's Kyla's father. This means somebody had to fuck him.
John's beloved third or fourth wife, Cat. The truth is that there are simply too many to count. He had a baby with her - Belvedere - but soon sold him off because he looked like Bobby Hill. Very glad he's gone. Anyways, nobody knows what her job is. Maybe she is a fashion designer or music representative. I'm not sure. I'll work this into a strip sometime in the future when I'm bored. Her main job is to hit on John and his adult children when he's not looking. Oh, and to take Maddy shopping.The kids:
Walls
That's Walls' mother. I don't know where the hell she is. I can't even remember her name. I killed her off and she became a ghost.
I think she was originally a maid or something like that.
Dominic? Sure, we'll go with that
Belvedere:
Does anyone really care? Really? When I said he looked like Bobby Hill, I meant it.
John told his and Cat's son to 'Get the fuck out.' And he did. He left with Kyla and Justin. I don't know where they went. But they're gone so Hooray. We don't want no fugs up in this house.
Kyla and Justin
Kyla is Dominic's daughter by way of who knows who. Maybe a maid. Maybe one of John's ex-wives. Perhaps this lady:
Either way, she's gone. And Kyla needed to eat a cheeseburger so maybe that's where she and Justin ran off to. Here they are starting out, enjoying Lurve:
Bitch needs to eat. Gained like, UH pound during her pregnancy with Maddy.
Grandchildren
Maddy
He once bought out the entire contents of a Gap Kids store for her and then charged an entire playground a cover charge when they picked on her. This is is what an elderly man does for love.
She's grown up a little. Here she is as a child and not a toddler.
You can see why they get along so well.
John Mayer as a Sim.
Much like his real life counterpart, he doesn't know when to keep his mouth shut. He's had too many wives to count and so I'm not going to even go there. He'll never have the house to himself and always refers to a studio he doesn't have. See below:
And I'd be remiss if I didn't mention his affinity for reading and writing about himself on the interwebs
.
Even as a cranky old bastard, he has never loss his passion for the written word and expressing his creativity. And plus, with the anonymity of the internet, he can really spread his wings. Guesses on what his username would be?
But he genuinely loves his life. He has countless Grammy's and and all the time in the world to reflect upon the life he's lived and is living.
But don't cross him or he'll fuck your shit up.
