I've been a fan of John Mayer since 2002. Spring semester, freshman year in my Siena College dorm room. Some girl was listening to him down the hallway. "Your Body is a Wonderland." Nineteen years old. I was hooked.
It may come as a surprise, but as a fan of his you get used to him putting his foot in his mouth more than once a week. Look at his Twitter feed. Half the time it's utter nonsense that's constantly taken out of context by the tabloids. For some fun, check out @cwm76. That's his brother Carl and he's far worse. But then yesterday, Mayer dropped the N-bomb, F-bomb, compared his ex-girlfriend to crack cocaine, said his penis was a white supremacist, in an interview with Playboy. You can read the full thing over on the front page of TryJM.com. Unlike any other John Mayer interviews, you can't take anything in that article out of context.
But the thing is, this Playboy article didn't happen yesterday. It happened four months ago and it's been following him around since the interview was made. Waiting. But it's the fact that he sat on it for four months as the interview was given back in November that strikes a nerve with me. John knew it was coming. Crying like he did in Nashville, however sincere, doesn't help his case. And right now he can use all the help he can get. People I thought would never turn on him are turning quickly. They're hurt and rightly so.
I'm not black, I'm not gay. I'm not Jessica Simpson or Jennifer Aniston. Though Jewish, I've thankfully never faced harsh discrimination for it. I'm not John Mayer's ex-girlfriend but I wouldn't want him discussing our personal life whether we were together or not. When I read the now infamous interview, it's sad to say that the only thing that shocked me was the use of the N-word. As I said, being a fan of John Mayer, you get used to him saying weird and shocking things but he's never stooped this low and it was wrong for him to do so. Nobody ever needs to use that word. It was wrong of him. He's publicly apologized for it, as he should. Crucifying him is not the answer. He's got to be held accountable for the things that come out of his mouth, yesterday and beyond.
Why didn't his PR people put the kibosh on this coming out? What was it about this article that made them think, "Oh yes, this will be a great interview for your young fans or ANY fans to read. We approve."
As I said, this interview occurred in November, so he's been aware of his actions. They've finally caught up with him. He apologizes on Twitter and then tried to make amends at a concert in Nashville, TN.
Tears, cracked voice, hands wringing. Some buy it, some don't. While he's feeling bad, he also has to deal with the uncertainty that comes with knowing that for some people, nothing he says will be good enough.
As someone who has followed his music for so long, I think that it was sincere. I again stress how hard to be his fan, not because of yesterday but in general. He's become synonymous for putting his foot in his mouth, saying his nonsensical things and dating women who are the antithesis of the image he attempts to put out. Which would be fine if he weren't a musician. He should be synonymous with what he comes out of his guitar and not what comes out of his mouth.
I was discussing this with a close-knit circle of fellow fans last night and we came to a conclusion that he wasn't always like this. Us fans used to clamor for the information he's willingly giving out now. What happened to the John Mayer who when asked by Ryan Seacrest about his relationship with Jessica Simpson, his idea of clever was to answer in Japanese?
The common thread lately throughout all John Mayer interviews is a man who is so scared of real intimacy.
"I always say, “Turning me down is the new sleeping with me.” What is a guy supposed to say to a girl who says “You do this all the time”? Girls always say that." - John Mayer, Playboy 2010
"PLAYBOY: You’d rather jerk off to an ex-girlfriend than meet someone new?
MAYER: Yeah. What that explains is that I’m more comfortable in my imagination than I am in actual human discovery"
No, what this explains is that he's afraid of being hurt by someone else who he's let get so close to him, who he's allowed to become responsible for his personal pleasure, that he'd rather be alone and then complain a situation he's created for himself. He says things that are harsh and hard to understand to keep people away. Then he has the audacity to complain about being lonely? You can't do that. That's a cry for help and attention. And this Playboy interview is a prime example. Fans got a peek of it when he opened his mouth for Rolling Stone last month but this is far worse. He mentions that he sees a therapist and I sincerely hope he continues on in that relationship or seeks a new one.
I can say that I'm disappointed but not walking away. I've invested too much time and energy into this man to do so now because of this mistake.
If we didn't connect to John Mayer, then we'd write him off. But it's because we're connected that we're shocked. For some, it feels like a punch to the gut that someone we've followed for so long could say those things so casually. You've got to have faith that people can actually learn from their mistakes. I hope he can get past this one without drastically conforming and changing himself to the point where he closes himself off.
Sally Block
February 11, 2010.
holla, sister. i feel like i've been talking about this for weeks now. but you said it better than me, because i keep trying to approach it from different angles. what it comes down to is: he fucked up and he better fix himself. if not for his career, but really, for himself.
I agree, Lorrie, that's really what he needs to do. If he's at all sincere about anything he said in that video, I hope it was about taking a step back and reflecting on why he's acting out like this.