JM, As a Sim

I'm going to need a zorap after Apolo and this relay
Dear friends zorap/sallyb say ohno to be allowed in
@cheekiemunkey @caitinlv @ karenrowena @vanessa_rose @vannydel @SugarPlumKelly @bearheadedgirl come to my zorap - pw - ohno
Hay you! @conormichael Happy Birthday!
@alexanderlsmith but it's brilliant isn't it?
Dear followers from Hawaii: GET THE FUCK OFF THE BEACH
http://twitpic.com/15q78k - Breaking news from my pants...
The wife hired a redecorator

@circusizedpnuts It all starts with education. And the fact that there's too little of it out there.
@circusizedpnuts I hope that the two of you would be in a position to keep it :)
So I'm saying that I support @antitheistangie with her actions. if you don't like it, don't follow her. It won't regenerate those cells.
@circusizedpnuts Exactly!
And now, back to your regularly scheduled programming!
Why do I feel like I've been violated by a young brunette lady wearing a scarf with two cats?
Oh yeah...that's right. I blame you @sallyblock.
GOodnight kiddos! Getting my prostate examined in the morning.
http://twitpic.com/15ga9f -
Good afternoon children! Time to make my lunch: Starbucks with Starbucks Liquor and Starbucks Xanax, and Starbucks flavored Ensure.
@bearheadedgirl Welcome back, sexxxay!
@bearheadedgirl show me your tan lines!
@dudewhrsmyfetus I've aborted an ass baby before. Take my advice...
@dudewhrsmyfetus Dulcolax is best. And be sure to drink a lot of water, VitaminWater, if you like as ass abortions can be dehydrating.
@VannyDel 28 is not old, it's classy! Slchlip-Chlortp
Then your name should be 'Dudewhrsmyuterus' RT@dudewhrsmyfetus: @JohnMayerAsASim Thank you, but I'm not sure WHERE it's coming from yet.
That woman doesn't know shit about anything 'Poor.' RT @huffingtonpost: Sarah Palin: My hand is just a "poor man's teleprompter"
Follow the most wonderful name on Twitter: @voose_lagina. I don't know who she is or what she does. I don't even know if I'm following.
Stopped at the vet to tease kittens with the thought of being adopted. One cat is cleaning himself/his nose. I love the sound.
Regarding Andrew Koenig's suicide, Kirk "Christ Part 2" Cameron releases a statement:http://is.gd/9gZkv
@13thwitness That's beautiful!
Okay, time to go to Vancouver and kill a referee.
Apolo Ohno's dad looks like he could kill you very easily. Don't cross that motherfucker.
@sportsrefs Chill the fuck out, it was a joke.
@VannyDel Me neither.
@sportsrefs who?
@sportsrefs ugh, those people need to understand it's just a game, not worth becoming so violent. That's horrible.
@sportsrefs Now that I know more, I understand. But I'm still pissed at that call!

The Simpsons ep. where Homer gets his mother back and then she leaves him in the end always makes me cry. He just sits on his car and waits.
@cwm76 They do have subways but that's for the sewer-dwelling mutants like Futurama's Leela
That's what the M in Smucker's stands for. RT @VannyDel: Actually, Moses was covered in raspberry preserves.
@VannyDel Ahh yes, my TV Special years.
@VannyDel The years I decided to do a series of variety shows with the Waltons - the only family who understood my plight.
I have a knot in my right palm. This upsets me.
Paid my cellphone bill. Now I can continue to sexually harass strangers across the globe.
That's tragic. RT @cnnbrk: Body of missing "Growing Pains" actor found in park, source tells CNN. http://on.cnn.com/b6Z0qD
@catdsilver Well of course. But I need some stimulation when you're out singing at bars and shit and I'm asleep cause you've drugged me.
What the fuck you want, Walls? Get a job or a girlfriend already. I'm tired of you being up my ass all day. "Do you love me now, daddy?'
Now playing: Solomon Burke "Cry To Me" ♫ http://twt.fm/382832 Using my tears as lube.
Just saw the press conference regarding Anderw Koenig's suicide.
People see what they want to see and refuse to notice when their loved ones are struggling from depression. They can't handle sadness.
@Nick_Sydney It's a horrible shame cycle.
@eliroth Cabin Fever is on IFC HD!
@caitinlv Very true. AK stopped taking his antidepressants a year ago, fatal mistake.
Some of you are really annoying tonight.
Be mad at me all you want, Walls. But you fart too and Maddy thought it was funny!
Yeah but keep both away from my dick. RT @catdsilver: Glitter nail polish will last you longer than cigarettes.
This reporter for the Olympics really has no energy in his voice whatsoever. Oh my.
@LuizaVilleneuve I cannot help you.
@LuizaVilleneuve Ok.
Fuck, aside from this coffee, did I eat anything today?
That 17 year old boy on Celebrity Rehab is the only kid who I would willingly adopt.
Mainly because his name is John. And he's adorable and fabulous. I want to give him a hug.
And yes I woo woo woo
Stepping out of character for my next few tweets...
Read about @antitheistangie livetweeting her abortion. Pregnancy is life-threatening for her. People are calling her a whore & ignoring...
...That she had an IUD which failed on her. People need to learn how to read. I think she did something brave and stood up for her health.
If she went through with the pregnancy @antitheistangie would have died, leaving her boyfriend in charge of her special needs toddler...
...and her newborn infant, assuming that kid survived. SO no matter what she does, she's pissing off the right wing factions.
@circusizedpnuts No, it's the abortion.
@circusizedpnuts It's always abortion and it's always brought on by people who are afraid of it because they don't understand it.
But I thought that the IUD was an abortion device? (failed right wing argument).

I want a dachshund. Who's gonna buy me a dachshund.
RT @SallyBlock If you're watching the weather channel right now, Mike Seidell is literally on my street. Up the block from me at the Capitol
@catdsilver please do.
I basically 'Fuck you, I'm a dragon-ed' myself into that parking spot. Very proud.
@LuizaVilleneuve Who are you talking about?
@LuizaVilleneuve who are you talking about?
@LuizaVilleneuve I don't follow her so I don't know and honestly don't really care :)
@LuizaVilleneuve People can say whatever they want so long as they are comfortable with the consequences.
@Uilos your dad fucked Edward James Olmos.
I agree RT @circusizedpnuts: @jhnnystwrt And you are one of the most genuine people I've met so I'm sure people will absolutely love it.
Getting in the shower, scrubbing my old man balls and writing a song about it.
The only proper response. RT @catdsilver: @JohnMayerAsASim God that's hot.
I AM SO BORED IT HURTS
@MuseLotus my ass
@LadyofShalott06 Oh about tree fitty.
I should admit to you all, I watch General Hospital. That's why I tweet at @brandonbarash.
@starbucks thank you so much for Breakfast blend. Would you ever bring back older/discontinued styles for a limited time? I miss Light Note.
YEAH, SON! RT @Nick_Sydney: oh fuck this corporate fucking shit
@Pixolita I'll be there in 3 days
@VannyDel My wife would never let me out so long to cause that much trouble.
@Pixolita at your house to motorboat you
Shut the fuck up, Mary Curillo.

What fun I'll have by looking up "Skating + Olympics + Blunders" on Youtube
Because of ONTD, I took four minutes to listen to snippets of the new Joanna Newsom album. She had vocal surgery. Still can't sing.
http://is.gd/8YNu7 really? Better keep them babbies up in yer vaginnies if you know what's good fo' yer fuchure. Look out for his "apology."
Today, Maddy asked me what a wedding dress was. I told her it was something she can buy when I'm dead/she's 40. Whichever happens first.
RT @JMStore We're giving away 6 Custom JM @moleskine Notebooks: 3 to @JMStore followers & 3 to RTers. Contest ends 2/28.
Oh looky me being cranky today
@DeniceEMF you didnt' get hacked, you just had to change your password. I'll follow ya, sweetie!
@DeniceEMF Oh, fuck. Sorry to hear that
@pixolita beaches. Toronto. Really?!
@Pixolita Ick. I forget. Is it that much warmer in May than June? Last time I was there in May was 9 years ago.
Happy Birthday @bobmaron! You are a wonderful ascot wearing, sweet fatherly man! Thank you for everything! - @sallyblock
Do what I want in bed and I won't take it away. RT @catdsilver: God it feels so god to be in my car again and driving.
LOST TIME. GET READY TO BE PISSED AT ME FOR LIVE TWEETING.
"Jack, why are they all staring at me?"
"Just ignore them."
WHAT KIND OF AN AFTER SCHOOL SPECIAL IS THIS?
Jin's sporting some hot boxers
Fuck, it was all good and fun until Kate showed up.
look again, THE TICKETS ARE NOW DIAMONDS!
@ellebees You're welcome
You never saw it before because the writers are essentially making things up as they go along.
"We welcome all candidates" - I see what you did there.
Yes, I knew you were riding that horse backwards.
Time to watch White Trash and Pregnant.
@brandonbarash Is that a real scar on your chest or cosmetic?

@LuizaVilleneuve Feel better and stay sweet!
@ApoloOhno Congrats on the Bronze! Great interview with Bob, wish the interviewers didn't try to bait you every time!
@catdsilver That's what they kept telling me. But I went anyways.
Dear @HaganDietz, your name makes me want coffee flavored ice cream.
@catdsilver And I still married you.
I'm a 1956 Tool Academy Graduate #trufax
@HaganDietz I've taken enough cold medicine tonight. Some should be flying out my enlarged prostate very shortly.
CRY YOUR LITTLE DOUCHEBAG CRYBABY TEARS, #TOOLACADEMYBOYS
Oooh, it's the lightstick tool. Epic tool factor. Must have picked him up on sale at Lowes. #ToolAcademy
Shit, I think that one couple is married. Oh wow, look at the fail it brings #toolacademy. @meeshell78 you need to watch this season.
@circusizedpnuts come back to the mancave
@HaganDietz I believe in the EPA:Elderly Prostate Awareness.
Then it was a great success. RT @Vanessa_Rose: #TextFromJustNow "So last night was just an all around huge sausage fest."
@Vanessa_Rose Mine looks incredibly young thanks to Steve Martin Penis Beauty Cream!
For big boys like myself, slip your lady a cepacol before a beejay. It helps, right @catdsilver? She won't answer cause she's recovering.
Look everybody, @johncmayer's alive!
I'm an old man with a low grade fever. Y'all better watch out.
gunnite everybody, dragging my sick ass to bed
Are you kidding me? Bohemian Rhapsody? You can't headbang to to violins! THis is gayer than Freddie Mercury #Vancouver
@Jon4Mayor Then let's play video games
@Pixolita I will. We'll be visiting in May, assuming I have luck finding a reasonable hotel!
@Pixolita Your couch would be nice for the last night. How far are you from the train station downtown?
@Pixolita what's there to do in the suburbs?
@Pixolita do you have a car?
@Pixolita how do you get around? subway? que?
@Pixolita my main concern is getting back to the train station on time the next morning, so maybe if i stayed over the first night?

@Pixolita I'lll do what I can!
Always a pleasure. RT @catdsilver: Sorry bout that RT @johnmayerasasim: My mouth tastes weird.
These nosebleeds make me feel like I'm on the island from LOST.
That's really @Benjamin__Linus's job. RT @solarpowerspork @JohnMayerAsASim MOVE THE ISLAND! MOVE THE ISLAND!
@MeganRabren seriously, I've been in bed all day. The wife took Maddy shopping so I could sleep.
@cwm76 That's dedication. You should train others.
@circusizedpnuts I FEEL LIKE SHIT. So help me, if @catdsilver is trying to kill me, I will sexually end her with my cane.
@OscarSays With that, I'm hiring you as my postmortem lawyer for my second wife. She's still up my ass for alimony.
@KevinMarshall I would but I'm imaginary and sick.
@circusizedpnuts and please, call me Old Dirty Bastard. Since he died. I claimed the title.
@BrandonBarash that boy needs a better therapist and a better pool of girlfriends to choose from. But the prior needs to happen first.
@circusizedpnuts it's gonna be as soon as I'm vertical.
@catdsilver Well I love it when you call me grand pappa
Dear Tiger Woods: You really shouldn't apologize to anyone except your wife. Sit down and shut the fuck up. Sorry we've made you think so.
Sudafed, second best to meth. Oh wait...
@circusizedpnuts Makes me want to chop a man's ear off.
Did you know that it up until 1992 the Summer and Winter Olympics were held in the same year?
Every day of my life RT @OscarSays:If I take the time to drop my trousers and sit on the toilet, I expect more than just a lone fart...FUCK!
@EmpressGina1 It's really only 16 years ago!
Would you like to donate to John Mayer as a Sim in the purchase of new sets and clothing? Please visit http://is.gd/8PIc7 No minimum amount.
@stefanodimera I hope someone is coming back from the dead. Please tell me that someone is coming back from the dead.
Mary Carillo needs to warm up her voice. I hate her.
@AfterElton Oh hell, say whatever you want. It's just Twitter.
@AfterElton God forbid someone make fun of the precious SNL.
@Benjamin__Linus trick question. They'd get distracted after seeing each other so sweaty after running and stop to do the dirty.
@danewhite007 A type of fish served best with cream cheese and a bagel
@danewhite007 I'll make you one sometime when it's my turn to cook for Maddy.
I'm afraid to blow my nose again for fear of another nosebleed, white light and time traveling session.
@Benjamin__Linus And given the fact that I think Bernard is a generous lover, I think Rose would finish first. *Ba-dum ching*
@BrandonBarash Is it pronounced BAR-ash or BARE-ash or what? Possibly a dumb question. Whatever.

What is Weir dancing to tonight? Bad Romance? Poker Face? Some other song from Gaga's canon?
@SugarPlumKelly That song does it for me.
You're skating to music from 'City of Angels?' Yeah, you're gay. #Olympics.
@Pixolita Why do you have Walls over at your house? Are you dating him? I'm glad he has a fucking life. Omg, that boy needs to get laid.
@Pixolita Even if he's not there anymore, it's good to know he was finally invited somewhere.
@Pixolita But you'd better use protection and/or keep whatever children you have at your place cause I'm not housing them. Maddy's the queen
@Pixolita Yeah but my dreams have predicted that when she grows up, that girl's gonna have some chola eyebrows. Not happy.
@Pixolita I know. I mean, if she keeps them she'll never get a date. So that's a plus.
RT @yearinla: i don't even really like johnny weir, but that was a fucked up underscore #olympics
@catdsilver I should have warned you: While you were out, I took 3 xanax and then went online shopping.
That Takahashi (sp) guy's got some jacked teeth
@caitinlv It's been a wonderful night
Plushenko looks like he's sleeping with his eyes open. #Olympics
Q:What five makeup/beauty products would y... A:Ooh! I'll let Sally answer this one: - ... http://formspring.me/JohnMayerAsASim/q/194212036
My nose sounds interesting this morning.
I feel like I have a rock stuck up my left nostril. Time for this old man to neti pot.
@circusizedpnuts I was thinking about coffee
@circusizedpnuts Ya know, something to really help the rock dissolve...
@catdsilver it's a fantastic album. not his best but amazing.
@catdsilver I totally agree.
Enlighten me RT:@spencerpratt J.D. Salinger author of "Catcher in the rye" dies at 91...holden and i had things in common
Where is the beautiful @hsutha? I once had an exwife who looked just like you. In fact, I think it was you.
John could do better than Perez. RT @OscarSays: Here's a short story for you. Once upon a time John & Perez were gay, THE END.
@meeshell78 I've gone back in time and hired him to clean my pool/work as a house keeper.
@meeshell78 Especially my younger self. He's so amazed. Jesus christ...
Everybody, the epic TRAPPED IN THE CLOSET is on IFC right now.
I really love it when R. Kelly pretends to be a fat white chick in Chapter 8 #trappedinthecloset
"Crazier than a fish with titties" - the wisdom of "Trapped in the Closet."
@BlackPixieKilla When you figure out, lemme know. I've been trying to change the channel for the past 20 minutes...
I really feel like smoking a cigar.
http://twitpic.com/14865i -
http://twitpic.com/14879f -
@meeshell78 steak, mozzarella cheese, string beans and garlic
@meeshell78 and tomatoes down the center
@meeshell78 looks like something from Puppetry of hte Penis. I'm aware.
Need. To. Join. RT @drewtoothpaste: Accidentally volunteered for the Inhumane Society and tomorrow I gotta go in and beat up cats for 6 hrs.
http://twitpic.com/148flq - The finished product. Well, half of it. I ate the first one.
@circusizedpnuts I can't hear you over the taste of how awesome it is
How sad and how true. RT @MCSafetyScissor: Red wine and ambien, your prostates flaring up again.....
@circusizedpnuts i'm on it
My mouth tastes weird.
Hey, @cwm76 I'm already following @mertmij. I want a prize.

Is Shaun white wearing jeans tonight? WTF.
I would adopt this child into my house;http://is.gd/8CWaa
@catdsilver IT'S NOT A GODDAMNED PICTURE. IT'S A YOUTUBE VID!
@catdsilver NOW GET INTO THIS BEDROOM AND SUCK MY DICK
GUNNITE EVERYBUDDAY! RT @catdsilver: @johnmayerasasim Video, picture, same thing. No. More. Children. Pop your Viagra, I'll be there in 5.
RT @JMstore is giving away 6 Custom JM @moleskine Notebooks: 3 to @JMStore followers & 3 to RTers Contest ends 2/28. http://bit.ly/bWnpus
Don't know if I want pulled pork or a salmon bagel. Hmmm.
Pistachios are my 3rd favorite nuts
@ninaisshort Hey there sexy lady! I voted for tuna sandwiches instead!
Hay everybody, I've added another woman to my harem. Meet @ninaisshort. Accept her or get baninated/written out of the will you're not in.
@catdsilver I gave you a ring, didn't i?
When does skating begin?
@MCSafetyScissor most states, that doesn't happen til you're 25
Every day of my life...RT @ebertchicago: Wouldn't you think conservatives would act more like grown-ups?
@VannyDel Yesterday while looking for parking at the grocery store, I told someone to kiss my fat black dick. Shocked MYSELF on that one.
@VannyDel I told you, I shocked myself. I'll wait in the corner til you say it's okay. I'll wait for you, my sexual chocolate heart.

I keep burping up garlic.
@bunnyears She ordered cheesy bread from Dominos with my credit card
@catdsilver I fully expected you to take off your heels and earrings over that
@perezhilton Why is it ok for you to talk about Jessica Simpson taking it up the ass? Oh yeah, it's not. Sit down.
@Benjamin__Linus I see what you did there.
OH dear, 'my ass is on fire' to the tune of 'Sex on fire' by Kings of Leon.
Wait, you mean Shaun white looked worse than this? That's hard to imagine.
@catdsilver That man is ugly.
@catdsilver HE HAS MONEY AND THEREFORE SHOULD GET SOME FACEWORK DONE.
Had a dream in which Maddy was a teenager. She was sporting some serious Chola eyebrows. I'm so so so so so confused.
Dear Shaun White: cut your hair and get a tan, you ugly ginger bastard.

Dear Twitter - WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU
Shit, everyone is falling down at the #olympics.
Here, let me hold you up by your vagina #olympics #pairsfigureskating
Important - If Wes Anderson directed Spiderman - http://is.gd/8tGka
@johncmayer Reading about such things so early in the morning have a positive effecton my prostate. I thank you.
My life today: http://is.gd/8xmJe
@STINGYBee I'm not real so no.
@STINGYBee Girl, I don't even know where to begin...
What is this, I can't even. http://is.gd/8xpuF There's even a remix: http://is.gd/8xpyX
@STINGYBee No, that's okay. Thanks though.
@STINGYBee Yeah, that never happened. I'm gonna have to contact @catdsilver for verification.
Plus, let's be honest: Lotion typically has petrolatum in it which breaks down condoms. I'm smarter than that. @STINGYBee
@STINGYBee Yeah...no.
WTF, is that Wisteria Lane? #LOST
Great #lost, now I can't stop laughing.
@ShenaniganJenn *ahem* CAUSE YOU AND I BOTH LAAAAAAAAAUUHHHHVVVED
TV commercials got me wondering: is there any body part that Brooke Shields won't sell for money?
@matt_nathanson If fLock knows everything, why doesn't he know how ironic it is to say such a thing?
I'd describe myself as a white leopard. A people person is not an animal #LOST
Look at the tits on that woman #LOST
How the fuck would the smoke monster get a book? #LOST
In honor of tonight's #lost, I bring you the real ending of 'Of Mice and Men.' http://is.gd/8y4Lq
Really, well I HEARD TWO MEN TALKING ON THE RADIO RT @ellebees: @JohnMayerAsASim @ShenaniganJenn IIIII SAW FIREWORKS FROM DA FREEWAY....
LA LA LALA LAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA RT @ellebees@ShenaniganJenn This is making me laugh too hard. CUZ IT'S ALL ABOUT THE WORDPLAY.
DAMMIT PEGGY BUNDY, YOU BETTER UNDERSTAND! #LOST
I vaguely remember seeing something about this on tv, which makes me think, that this probably isn't going to work #LOST
Also, regarding my last quote, #FAMILYGUYRELEVANT
RT @John_Locke_: Helen was big about walking, probably because her ex-husband was a shoes sales man. Glad she's happy now. #LOST
@John_Locke_ Let's talk about sex...
Someone tell Rich he can come back now
Ooooh, this skater is performing to 'Bold as Love,' the original by Hendrix
@Cheekiemunkey Hey there sexy girl...
The #olympics make me want to go back to Toronto.
Johnny Weir. If that kid wins a Gold for dancing to Lady Gaga...I'll eat my shoe

Q:Are you a good cook? A:You have no idea. I'm fucking amazing. This is why I've never... http://formspring.me/JohnMayerAsASim/q/171994943
Why is Maddy having a slumber party on a Sunday night? @catdsilver, HOW ARE WE SUPPOSED TO GET IT AWN TONIGHT WITH ALL THESE KIDS AROUND?!?
@JMMAgroup When and where was that filmed?
Ahhh, it was back in November...
@kisstheground Yeah, I skipped ahead a few tracks and he mentions thanksgiving
Q:Is Grand theft auto a good thing for kid... A:Maddy will not play this. Ever. No. W... http://formspring.me/JohnMayerAsASim/q/172250221
Come one come all - vday zorap/sallyb. get 'tested' before you come in.
Hey, all you valentines day whores, get into my zorap.
Fuck, do I have to invite you people?
@meeshell78 @karenrowena @johncmayer @ExoticMoonFlwer @VannyDel COME TO MY ZORAP. WE HAVE COOKIES.
@meeshell78 awwwww, well then good day, madam!
@ExoticMoonFlwer come into zorap
RT @13thwitness There's nothing like a little sex to get your day going.
@Benjamin__Linus Could you imagine your life directed by @thatkevinsmith?
I want to punch a baby today. Get in line and cry.
@greggrunberg They have pills for that. Here, have some John Mayer Old Man Brand Penis Pills.
@cwm76 Old lady tears #potentiallube
@catdsilver WHY DID YOU TAKE MADDY TO THE PLAY AREA WHEN SHE IS 9? FUCK.
@catdsilver had you actually punched a baby, i would have done that thing in bed that i nearly never do that you always ask me to. ya know.
@catdsilver You know what I'm talking about...When you ask me to shut up...I would actually shut my fucking mouth in bed. For a change.
For the newbies to @johnmayerasasim - http://is.gd/8sHSl
@SugarPlumKelly oomph?
@KarenRowena *coughcough remember you and Sonny's not so private tweets, ma dear?
@KarenRowena Just putting you in your place, you sexy ladayyyyyyy ;)
And now, you own my heart. RT @MrsSOsbourne: Enough about John Mayer and his boring little white supremacist dick
@KarenRowena I heart you, you australian vixen. Too bad the flight there would kill me.
Q:Do you sing to your pets? If so what son... A:I don't have pets. But nobody likes me ... http://formspring.me/JohnMayerAsASim/q/175918353
Q:Would you rather make out with a vampire... A:A werewolf, they'd be less inclined to b... http://formspring.me/JohnMayerAsASim/q/175922467
@ametrick I just want to follow you because the person who controls me, @sallyblock, thinks your profile pic is hot. You're welcome.
@anidee, why aren't I following you? All this time, you could be getting tweets from a dirty old man. Problem solved.
@bunnyears Oh my, that's hilarious. I support Planned Parenthood but why use that other room when such a beautiful, comfy room is available?
Kirstie Alley needs to STFU. if Scientology was the Be All/End All, it would help her lose all that weight she's been bitching about forever
I just realized why I hate Celine Dion so much. It's not her voice. It's because her mouth is too small for her face. I just can't take it.
So, there are people out there who randomly follow people for two minutes just to get their names out there and then unfollow once followed.
Those are some funky looking medals
Imagine if the Olympics brought back the Compulsory Figures competition? Many would not know wtf to do: http://is.gd/8tkj1

Am I missing something? Why does Japan score so low all the time?
They're always scoring athletes at like 1.2 or 2.4. Why is that?
Oh, nevermind. I think they just explained it to me. The judges are split. Got it.
Fuck, that girl is crying #Olympics
@8ball_ Wasn't aware it was directed towards you
Fuck, I was holding my breath for the Canadians to take Gold on skiing
@MCSafetyScissor That's London, not Toronto, dearie
Maddy now wants to be friends with the little black girl who sings at the beginning of the bandaid commercials. BRB, making it happen!
@kisstheground I think she's too old now. But then again I've lost track, lol
Happy Valentine's day to my beloved @catdsilver and her boobies.
@catdsilver i'll be watching the Truman Show until you're ready.
I'm basically Al Bundy with more money.
Eyme Heeare RT @OscarSays: Eye wundur wear mai frendz argh? Eye wonted tew weesh dem ah happee valintyme....
@caitinlv Hey girl.....
@caitinlv get the prostate massage oil ready, I'll be there in three days.
@caitinlv I can afford it so I will.
Had no idea you were calling your ass cheeks wings, @circusizedpnuts
Look at these motha'uckas falling down on the ice #olympics

You know, if you guys would STFU, we could hear the announcers say their names and you wouldn't have to repeat.
Donald Sutherland is an honorary member of our Boys Club. @circusizedpnuts
Oh look, Olympic fail.
Shawn White needs to lay off the crack. Oh my god, it's just fire. Sit the fuck down, ginger kid.
You've been to the Olympics before, White #Olympics
@LuckyTheresa Thanks pretty lady!
@WNYT Yes we care about Twitter but why waste valuable time on a segment featuring a woman Twittering the birth of her baby?
@WNYT It would be one thing if she was the first to think of it but I guarantee you, she's not.
@jimmyfallon This is what it would've been like had Conan agreed to that horrible idea.
@VannyDel That was a great interview. They should post it on TRYJM so it'll move shit down the page.
Making Maddy watch Pretty in Pink so that she stays grounded as an individual. And so that she never dates a guy named Blane.
@ellebees At least date someone named Mack, like a Mack truck. Someone who can do some major damage to you, someone who's packing.
@ellebees I mean, feel the way your mouth moves when you say 'Blane.' Ew. Mack however...ooh, even a 72 year old man like me gets hard.
Ohno is exciting! #olympics
@VannyDel make sure he ain't your brother
Time to randomly friend people again...away we go!
Watching the Olympics with Maddy. She loves it.
@_drina Naw, am looking for people who don't suck.
Speaking of Secretary, it's on IFC/
@SugarPlumKelly MS or MSM?
@MCSafetyScissor later on, am in the middle of something! :)
I forgot how much I loved speed skating
AAAAAAAAAH #olympics
Those are NOT pigtails...Those are braids NBC telecaster. #olympics.

@DexterFanWeb Not exactly but I'll take you.
@Pixolita I'll be there in a half hour.
@heidimontag and @spencerpratt are following me now. LOOKS LIKE WE'VE MADE IT! WE'VE LEFT EACH OTHER ON THE WAY, TO ANOTHER LOVE...
Ugh. DIAF, please.
Sleep time, Maddy. Get a glass of water and go back to your room. No monsters here. I've sent those two away.
Watching the fuckery that is this Joan Crawford movie on AMC.
Watching the fuckery that is this Joan Crawford movie on TMC, sorry.
@kisstheground I don't know. Something where her daughter killed a guy and she tried to take the fall.
RT @KevinMarshall Next fauxhawk I see on a guy, I'm yelling out "Cock-a-doodle-douche!"
@krisarms That's okay, that's all there is to think about when I see her as well. I just yell at my kids to move out when they bother me.
My life, every fucking day http://is.gd/8g9zd
@ShenaniganJenn Are you also happy that I yell at my kids to move out when they bother me? THought I'd earn points for that too.
@krisarms Have fun living through mine. All 8 million kids I know and do not know about.
@krisarms Sounds like the best fucking thing I've ever heard. Oh my god.
@catdsilver I'd teach them how to act younger cause they need to. Acting younger will keep me living forever. Clinton says hi to your tits.
At Sbux, the men's room is out of order. Have been instructed to use the ladies room. Watch out ladies, old man Johnny's trenchcoat trick!
@ebertchicago What a wonderful title.
@jimmyfallon If they were good at curling, they would spend most of their time curling and nothing else. No need for condoms.
If Firefox were a real person, I'd toss them into oncoming traffic.
@MCSafetyScissor I think I fixed it by deleting my cookies. Still making a human/robot Firefox prototype, pushing into traffic. Pix later.
@eliroth Incorrect sir, it was Jewish Bear Americans for $2000.
@MCSafetyScissor Then I'd get arrested for animal abuse. This is much safer for my reputation.
@NZAfro Please to learn how.
I'd love to earn 1,000 followers today.
But of course this means I'd have 1,000 emails in my inbox. That'd be an interesting day.
@eliroth HA, well I was right about the dollar amount!
You all are breaking a poor old man's heart for not doing my bidding and #followfriday pimping me. I'm awesome & my balls are still tight.
@circusizedpnuts Didn't we agree I'd achieved that last night?
@KarenRowena I always wondered what you are. But then I just stop and think 'Oh Rowe's 100% awesome and hot.'
Yes, minions, yes...RT MCSafetyScissor #FollowFriday @JohnMayerAsASim I was told that if I didnt FF him, he would punch a baby in the face.
@MCSafetyScissor And I'm in public right now, so the odds are higher.
@MCSafetyScissor Don't worry, I'll only go after the ugly ones.
Follow @circusizedpnuts, simply because he can crush you with his height #FollowFriday
That's beautiful RT: @ThisIsRobThomas: song of the day: STOP CRYING YOUR HEART OUT - OASIS
@circusizedpnuts Dammit, can't an old man with prostate issues and a beautiful wife w/jumbo yummies do anything right? #momoneymoproblems
@MCSafetyScissor Motha'uckas deserve it.
@ellebees AND I HAVE PROSTATE ISSUES, YOU FORGOT THE PROSTATE ISSUES!
@OscarSays Well, it is garbage food.
TIME TO BUY SOME HOTDOGS!
@circusizedpnuts What in the actual fuck? lol
@ellebees Team Pacey all the way. He was a stand up guy.
I love you Canada.
I really hate Nelly Furtado.
That song fucking sucked #Olympics
Where's the Degrassi Cast? Are they competing in the Olympics? @kevinmarshall? @anidee? Anyone?
Look out, somewhere in all of this is the answer to every secret from LOST. #olympics.
@KevinMarshall Look at those kids? They're not acting. They're walking around like 'WTF are these lights doing on my shit?!"
There's the island from LOST #Lost #OLYMPICS
Is this going to become a Michael Jackson tribute too? I hear "Will You Be There" playing distantly in the background #Olympics #MJ
Where's Jacob and the Man in black? Where's the giant four toed statue? #olympics
Eating hotdogs, masturbating and snarking at the Olympics. Great night. #oldmangreattimes
Where's the footage of dying, abandoned animals? #sarahmclachlan #olympics
WHY ARE THEY PLAYING THE SEINFELD THEME? #Olympics
@STINGYBee chill out, it really wasn't LMAO funny.

@VannyDel Schlorp Schnlonger :)
@pixolita @VannyDel why aren't you in zorak? groundhog
@VannyDel Pick me up some john mayer brand old man condoms.
@catdsilver Come to bed.
@bearheadedgirl zorap/sallyb pw: groundhog
@pixolita get back here, you saucy bitch
You know when you do something bad & you can only wait for your punishment? I kind of wonder if that's what this @johncmayer interview was.
@BrandonBarash waking up to tell you it's craigyferg not cragyferg
@BrandonBarash It's freaky as hell, isn't it? Kragyferg is not to be feared. His army shoots brownies.
@BrandonBarash Just toss back a piece of paper outside with the type of brownie or pastry you like and the Kragyferg army will oblige.
@BrandonBarash They are a very peaceful people.
@BrandonBarash They just need to work on their delivery. Tossing brownies/pastries into windows really isn't a way to make friends.
@mertmij I can't sleep. Is it Ghostbusters 1 or 2?
@BrandonBarash Paradise By the Dashboard Light
@VannyDel Been a member since way before you were born.
I hope Bill Clinton is okay. He and I have a boys night this weekend. Sorry @catdsilver. Valentines Night is still on, however.
@VannyDel http://twitpic.com/12o2q7 - I'll be there in four days. Have to visit Bill Clinton in the hospital with some strippers and shag m
http://twitpic.com/12o3y6 - @vannydel no purple hearts, just down to business. OK, well maybe one purple heart...
http://twitpic.com/12o3y6 - I don't know why I'm showing you pictures from the past or why this girl was down with cams in the bedroom...
http://twitpic.com/12o3y6 But I'll always remember her tits. They were beautiful jumbo yummies.
There's this song from the 70's/80's stuck in my head and it's just the hook. It's reminiscent of Lady Antebellum's "I need you now.'
And it has to do with lies, prisoner, captain, etc...but i can't get enough to actually do a lyric search. Maddy's too damn young to know.
So this sucks. I feel like Andy Bernard in that episode of the office where he had the jingle to KitKats stuck in his head. No lyrics.
@ShenaniganJenn You're welcome, sexy.
It's a male singer, early 80's I think, sounds like that guy who sang 'Coming out into the light.'
@CathCamille hA!
@circusizedpnuts @vanessa_rose we know lately that the former is true.
It doesn't help that the Playboy article is STILL on the front page of TRY for some bullshit reason.
@kisstheground I know. It's not that hard. More than one person runs that site. It would help a lot to see the youtube vid.
@kisstheground I agree, I think it's more focused on getting attention than he is.
@kisstheground Do we really need 42 full text different reviews of "Battle Studies'? No. Compile a list and we'll go there.
@kisstheground And now I'm following you :)
@kisstheground Cause you're fucking smart and you get it.
@kisstheground Same here, girl. Feel free to follow @sallyblock. I'm awesome over there, too.
@kisstheground But still, we don't need so many reviews saying the exact same thing.
@krisarms No. Let's leave it up for another three days and let him suffer even more. Cause no other news service is covering it.
@krisarms It's more important that he gets it. He has to understand that he really fucked up this time and hurt a lot of people.
@kisstheground I agree with this tweet.
I've been Tweeting since September 02, 2009 (162 days). How about you? - http://HowLongOnTwitter.com
@MeganRabren Drink milk out of the bottle when she's not looking. THAT'S WHAT I ALWAYS DO EVEN WHEN I'M FEELING BETTER.
@kisstheground There's a big difference between those who hate him and those who hate what he said. This fuels the fire for the former and..
@kisstheground for the latter, I've never seen people so hurt by anything he's said. It's only been one day. It'll die down soon.
@krisarms No such thing as a superfan/elite fan. Even if JM deemed anyone as such. He apologized and can only move forward, never say again.
@krisarms And so called superfans are stupid if they don't call him out for his bullshit and bad behavior. Yesterday's interview brewed for-
@krisarms (con't) 4 months. He knew it was going to be published. Can't follow him blindly but can't crucify either. Has to be a medium.
@kisstheground Me too. I tweeted he should take a xanax. Chill out and not kill himself over it.
@krisarms Yep, its a waste if he doesn't...
RT @k8thompson: RT @styla73 @VannyDel @Pixolita I could NEVER know. I'm sorry you've been hurt.. I'll just (hug).
@vannydel @pixolita you are two of my favorite girls, do you know that?
"My Stepson is my Cyberhusband." How perfect. I am the star. #30Rock
Very gassy. #suckstobeanoldman
@Vanessa_Rose Smacking it hurts.
Holy shit, that's Horatio Sanz #30Rock
ASTRONAUT MIKE DEXTER!
@spencerpratt Why hello there young man! How are you?
Dammit @spencerpratt, you respond to your elders.
@heidimontag Hay girl.
@BrandonBarash I could probably google but is it Bar-ASH or BARE-ash? Imaginary folk like me wanna know.

@johncmayer I think that's on your rarely ever ever ever found album filled with D-Sides and Rarities.
@johncmayer Odin's Fury causes people to grow perforated uteruses and hear the voice of God.
@johncmayer Did I say God? I meant Joe Pesci. Odin's Fury makes you hear Joe Pesci. Wherever he is, you hear him speaking.
Point: I don't like my vitamin water ice cold. Room temp is fine.
@nattamac My faves are fruit punch, orange and lemonade
@nattamac And what do you mean, FREEBIE?! GIMME!
@rainnwilson Talk to @Benjamin__Linus. He will tell you everything.
@nattamac Don't care, that's a great reward. Wish I had a free supply of them!
Good. RT @nprnews: Asperger's Officially Placed Inside Autism Spectrum http://su.pr/4wxh7P
RT @michaelianblack I wish I was John Mayer's penis.
Not being a sycophant (new fave word) but am I the only one who read @johncmayer's Playboy interview & didn't hate him?
@FATJEW He'll have fun but after a while it'll be like living in a snow globe.
STAND BY YOUR MAN, DA NA NA...
Really glad I decided to wake up and stay awake on the day everyone declared @johncmayer a racist douchebag http://is.gd/864O5
@johncmayer don't care, still dig ya
Like women never talk about guys and how great their dicks are #johnmayer
Love how @johncmayer talks about his exes in an objective way. Then everyone jumps on him when it turns out that he's just a regular guy.
Take @johncmayer off the pedestal and enjoy his music.
RT @preme0: Its funny how black women are all mad at John Mayer, but when Wayne calls you a bitch, its ok.
@circusizedpnuts That we don't know shit about them so we should fucking stop? That was honestly and comedy at its best.
@circusizedpnuts :)
@circusizedpnuts Still waiting for us to play at the Palms
But seriously, why are we so fucking shocked by every celebrity who acts normal and says something stupid?
So @johncmayer's a celebrity. Get over it. We can't continue putting these people up on a pedestal. It's how they crack.
@circusizedpnuts These people on ONTD are fucking deluded when it comes to their precious celebrities doing something normal
@LuizaVilleneuve No, it's because he dropped the N-word
Why is the first line of defense always 'What if he said those things about you?'
I've always associated 'She will be loved' with girls with daddy issues. Why is it a love song? Just because it's got 'LOVE' in the title?
Interesting, for all the people talking shit about him, @johncmayer hasn't lost a majority of his followers today. Still over 3 mill.
Legend of 1900 is on.
@bearheadedgirl The most shocking piece of information in that article is that @johncmayer is a musician.
I didn't get a tattoo in your honor just to turn my back on you now @johncmayer
Oh dear, I haven't even looked to see what the miscreants at MSM have done with this bullshit.
"He's breaking my heart," "There's more important shit going on in the world." Pearls of wisdom from the melting pot - MSM, @kisstheground
@kisstheground What the actual fuck do they mean, "he's breaking my heart"? That's bullshit. He is not your friend. Get the fuck over it.
@bearheadedgirl That guy who you would have bent over backwards just to suck his dick? HE'S A DOUCHEBAG NOW! (even though...cont'd)
@bearheadedgirl (even though that interview happened way back when we scored free concert tickets, then spoke with him, really loved him)
@kisstheground No, you don't get it @johncmayer's superhuman. He's a celebruhtee, which means he's better than everyone and can't be normal
@johncmayer The day you apologize for one aspect of yourself is the day you have to apologize for everything. We love you.
@kisstheground You're forgiven. I need to take an old man nap.
@bearheadedgirl I completely know and I completely agree, sweetheart. Now come over and let an old man motorboat you. *muffsnortsnorfmuff*
@bearheadedgirl Seriously, how many times did @johncmayer hit on @vannydel that night in chat? Pop a xanax and chill. We love you. *hugs*
@bunnyears I dig them all. My second wife was black. She was feisty, so passionate and beautiful. I think she's Dominic's mother. I dunno
@johncmayer The day you apologize for one aspect of yourself is the day you have to apologize for everything. Hold back, but don't change.
I just have a very bad feeling about all of this.
@johncmayer Do you have any idea the amount of people who have been defending you today? Without you even saying a word?
@johncmayer I know you won't see this but when I know when I read playboy, I was like 'Oh, John,' not 'Oh that asshole.' I wasn't alone.
@johncmayer It's alright. Your true fans are still here. Stop beating yourself up for what you said. Take a single xanax, play MW2. Relax.
The Griswolds are back:http://is.gd/87gU8
MADDY! COME HERE! A FUCKING CHARLIE BROWN VALENTINE IS ON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Maddy is talking about having a crush on a little boy named Blake. *heart sinks*
@catdsilver she's fucking six years old. No. NO dating for Maddy!
@catdsilver YOU don't need to. I already bought everything in GAP kids, and I mean everything. But okay. You can pierce her ears.
@VannyDel I was thinking the same thing. Schlip kslnclort
@LuizaVilleneuve What? No, we weren't even talking about that tonight, lol
@LuizaVilleneuve what does maddy having a crush on someone have to do with valentines day? I'm confused
@LuizaVilleneuve I did, but I didn't mention Valentines day, other than the Charlie Brown tv special.
@LuizaVilleneuve No. And tomorrow isn't Valentines Day. Tomorrow is the 11th.
oh, hello @solarpowerspork...
@LuizaVilleneuve I don't know what you should do in NYC. Thought you were seeing @johncmayer. That would mean you'd be in Toronto.
@LuizaVilleneuve Okay, I must have misread cause I'm pretty sure you said you were seeing him on the 14th.
@LuizaVilleneuve I don't live in NYC so I don't know what to tell ya!
@LuizaVilleneuve I simply mean to say I don't go to NYC that often so I don't know where to go :)
God help those with lisps who want to buy and say hummus
@SugarPlumKelly Why hello there. I would enjoy a warm hug this evening.
@circusizedpnuts I was going to open one in a half hour anyway

Drunk Billy, you will be missed: http://is.gd/7Z21T
@johncmayer Charleston doesn't beat SPAC
RT @Benjamin__Linus Benjamin Linus always knows the exact location of Carmen Sandiego...It's true.
@CraigyFerg Look at all these sycophants. I'm gonna be original and say 'Hello!!!!!!' From one old cranky bastard to another, welcome aboard
@Sayid_Jarrah my creator @sallyblock seriously wants to do you as a congratulatory present for being alive.
Getting ready to go on that aforementioned tour with Lady Gaga.
*Practices in front of a mirror to 'Bad Romance'* Hey! Cause I'm a free bitch, baby! You know that I want you, and you know that I need you!
The surprise on the tour is that for one night I'll be singing the entire song. Just me. Lady Gaga on backup vocals. #picsoritdidnthappen
My wife, Cat says the same about me. RT @caitinlv: Even if I put a muzzle on my freaky little dog Kokomo, he'd find a way to keep barking.
@caitinlv be there in 2 days with my walker and jazzercizing to Lady Gaga
Smartest fucking person on the Internet, people. #LOST RT @circusizedpnuts: I'm totally going offline so no one spoils it for me.
Now singing: 'Told You I Was Freaky' by Flight of the Conchords
@Vanessa_Rose Gotta look pretty for when the happiness comes back.
Why did I say @circusizedpnuts was so smart? Cause he'll be one less person bitching about people like me tweeting about #LOST. & He's cool.
@LuizaVilleneuve I just pictured a sea of elderly men and women, literally crashing into each other like waves of the sea. Laughing too hard
@LuizaVilleneuve but i think it's essential for the elderly to be connected to the world and feel important and not neglected.
Q:What is the most embarrassing thing that... A:I have a photo of it. http://twitpic.co... http://formspring.me/JohnMayerAsASim/q/145756506
Great question, @vannydel
http://twitpic.com/12ajr1 - A moment from the past, featuring Walls as a child.
@bunnyears I did.
Would you like to donate to @johnmayerasasim and help with the purchase of new sets? Please visit http://is.gd/82FXC
Or you can be noble and donate to Haiti. www.redcross.org
@kweenie One single grain of rice ain't gonna feed you, pretty lady!
Or, you can donate to the Salvation Army http://is.gd/82H1p
Or, you can donate to Planned Parenthood. http://is.gd/82HfF
@LuizaVilleneuve You mean, the Brazilian press doesn't show it? For days we were bombarded with it here in the States.
@LuizaVilleneuve That's fucking sad. Then you have to turn to the internet.
@LuizaVilleneuve Absolutely not, it's going to take a lot of time to recover.
@LuizaVilleneuve There are places in New Orleans that are still recovering from Katrina. But that happened 4 years ago, not 4 weeks ago.
Why does my iPod insist I listen to Missy Elliott's Gossip Folks?
@kweenie Oh, well then. Carry on!
@LuizaVilleneuve We're not. Trust me.
@tonyheld http://twitpic.com/12ap2t - Oh, snazzy.
@LuizaVilleneuve See: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Humanitarian_response_by_national_governments_to_the_2010_Haiti_earthquake
@LuizaVilleneuve Me, lol, for I'm the grand manager ofo me :)
@LuizaVilleneuve Of me, rather
@LuizaVilleneuve We have to. Human condition.
Is that supposed to be shocking? RT @mtvnews: Michael Jackson Was Very Thin, Sickly Before Death, Autopsy Finds http://bit.ly/cIdOdv
@rinygrin MICHAEL JACKSON WAS THIN AND PALE? SICKLY LOOKING? REALLY? No. UNBELIEVABLE.
@Vanessa_Rose Put the word 'stud' above your left tit. Very attention getting and attractive.
@LuizaVilleneuve Yes, cannot get away from what it suggests.
I have to say, @NaughtyRev is the best thing I've found on Twitter in a long time. Kudos to you for your sheer existence.
@NaughtyRev You're welcome <3
@CraigyFerg You make it look like your show happens in an abandoned shack for some cult. I'll be there in 3 days with a walking cane. *kiss*
@CraigyFerg I'll also bring the Kool Aid. Hope you like Blue flavor!!!!!!
@NaughtyRev and she wants it more than twice a month.
If that's all we see of Claire for this season, Imma be pissed.
@Sayid_Jarrah can you live the rest of your life with your shirt off? Everyone would be happier
Shit, it really is that guy from 'It's Always Sunny.'
@cwm76 Well you know what they say, tears make the perfect lube.
Wow Kate, way to think only of yourself and not of your grieving friend. Stupid bitch #LOST
@bunnyears Why do you think I've always been so mean to my wives?
@bunnyears Except for @catdsilver. She makes herself cry before we have intimates.
@ellebees I cannot wait for Island Claire to up and kill Kate. Gunshot between the eyes before finding out where Aaron is.
@ellebees Wait, no. After.
@ellebees Nope, just let Kate get her comeuppance and Claire her baby.

@ivanahumpalott if I ever said that near or around Maddy, she'd be taken away. I would never risk being that stupid/backwoodsy :)
@ellebees You're disgusting. No.
@ellebees that's a big HDU to you :)
@ivanahumpalott Pervs like that deserve to be locked away. *shudders*
@catdsilver I will, my love. God knows I'm not that flexible anymore.
@ellebees oh, there's nothing unfortunate about pedobears unfollowing you.
@ellebees Oh dear. This is too much responsibility.
@ellebees First off, block them. Block is one of my favorite words of all time
@ellebees But before you do so, make it clear that you are not underage and that you hate all things Hannah Montana/Miley Cyrus
@ellebees But make it clear that you hate her not because she's got the life you've always wanted, rather because she's annoying.
@Cheekiemunkey Hugs my dear! Always got room for one more woman in this house.
I love that Mike Myers doesn't sound like Austin Powers in this movie #inglouriousbasterds
@ivanahumpalott It'd be in your best interest to see this movie. It's terribly amazing
@catdsilver Yes sorry if I misspelled. THat'd have been a completely different movie if it were Myers.
@catdsilver Yep, he was in the scene where they introduced the British Soldier to the group.
@johncmayer I honestly wish you could see how lovable you make yourself sound with tweets like this. Very.
What is this snow that everyone's talking about? It stopped in December, here.
Watching 'Let's make a deal,' and Wayne Brady is sick. He sounds like a sick Drag Queen I once met at the Palms in Las Vegas.
Getting my taxes done tonight because even Old Fucks like me have to pay the piper.
@MCSafetyScissor Ouch, son. My ass hurts just thinking about that.
@LuizaVilleneuve That's true if they work and earn enough to do so.
Q:We're having a bad movie night party. Wh... A:Teen Witch. It's all I can think of tha... http://formspring.me/JohnMayerAsASim/q/141223457
Q:What's the absolute WORST movie you've e... A:It was this horrifying Lifetime Movie st... http://formspring.me/JohnMayerAsASim/q/141232419
Got my taxes done. Getting $25000 Simoleons back. Going directly into Maddy's college fund. If she becomes a stripper, I'm killing her...
...and using that money and whatever interest it's grown to build a studio. But whatever, I'll probably be dead by then.
I want Keenen Ivory Wayans to walk by, snap his fingers & say 'MESSAGE!' every time I say something important. Like this http://is.gd/7YzXR
@LuizaVilleneuve You can't. This isn't the 18th century, slavery is wrong.
@LuizaVilleneuve lol, so was mine :)
@LuizaVilleneuve HAHA no, I do not. But the name of the product was John Mayer Brand Old Man Vitamins.
@LuizaVilleneuve I'm grumpy but sarcastic. It's a fabulous mix. I'm never really angry.
@LuizaVilleneuve oh dear :). Considering I'm not the real thing but an impression/skit/spoof of @johncmayer, that'd be a lawsuit in-waiting.
@LuizaVilleneuve mood acid? Please explain :)
@LuizaVilleneuve wait, what does 'mood acid' mean?
@LuizaVilleneuve ahhh! makes more sense now
@LuizaVilleneuve There's no sense in ever holding anything back. If it has to be put out there, then do it.
@LuizaVilleneuve That show went off the air. I know nothing about Brazilian television.
@LuizaVilleneuve I guarantee you it was her decision and/or that she was well paid. Look her up on wikipedia
@LuizaVilleneuve it's completely random. There is no method to my madness. Nothing to be taken personally. I think I only actually know 20.
@LuizaVilleneuve Yep.
@Pixolita Have fun with that, sweetheart. Your tits are going to fall off in the frozen tundra that is Toronto. But I still care about you!
@LuizaVilleneuve will do! Gnite!
@Pixolita Awesome! Just letting you know they had fans around the world!
@LuizaVilleneuve *kisses*
@ecctv I...er, um, what?