JM, As a Sim

Want to date Conan O'Brien? Now you can - http://losangeles.craigslist.org/sfv/cas/1558679241.html
I don't want to talk to you if you can't take 3 seconds out of your time to spell something out. I won't do you. You sound like a dumbass.
http://twitpic.com/yeu5p - Who would walk up to a mini notebook at Best Buy and randomly put up their twitter account as advertising? Serio
http://twitpic.com/yrb39 - @cwm76 what are you doing cruising for dates in Albany? I'm very confused.
Cannot stop making/eating cinnamon toast english muffins.
Tomorrow is my birthday. Bow down.
I do not enjoy how long it takes my game to load nor how slowly my computer runs while it's on.
Just saw the preview, @johncmayer. Happy Birthday to me - http://is.gd/6DvUm

Hey Larry King, is it really that hard to pronounce Susan Sarandon's last name? Sar-ANN-Dun.
Can someone tweet me when @johncmayer performs on CNN?
Oh, @johncmayer you're apparently responding to people's tweets on CNN. Please show your work #cnnhelphaiti
and now, here we go @johncmayer performing Heart of Life.
And now we write.
Q:We're going camping today. Wanna go ? A:No, it's snowy and quite cold. http://formspring.me/JohnMayerAsASim/q/55065462
Q:Pet peeves or real "quirkiness" about yo... A:I live alone but I need to sleep with th... http://formspring.me/JohnMayerAsASim/q/55065466

Oh Bill Hader...as #Conan. I love you. And wtf is Darryl Hammond doing back on #SNL? He left.
@johncmayer I'm not there, I promise.
I'm sorry but didn't the Ting Tings release this song this past summer? Play something new.
@Uilos it's quite possible!
You kill your second wife... #SNL
I cannot go back to being in a sketch every three weeks #SNL
@yearinla I'm thinking so...
Mo'Nique just got a standing ovation for her Golden Globe. I love it.
Why is Lauren Graham screaming? #goldenglobes
But..."Yellow Submarine" was a Ringo song. Fuck Ringo. Get your shit together, NBC. #GoldenGlobes
Paul McCartney is the only other celebrity, Christopher Walken is the other, who can get away with reading hand written notes on live TV.
Oh yeah, Michael C. Hall has cancer...
I'm sorry, Michael C. Hall deserved a Golden Globe a long time ago for 'Six Feet Under.'
Oh look, two wannabe trannies - Cher and Christina Aguilera #GoldenGlobes #sorry@kevinmarshall
@Cheekiemunkey hope you're okay :)
Is Amy Adams pregnant? WTF at that dress?
@yearinla Thought so. I missed the memo and couldn't explain/excuse that dress.
Bret Michaels is on the next season of the Celebrity Apprentice. I didn't know you could market syphilis.
Oh great, time for Cameron Diaz to come out and pretend she can read.
When you have a film directed/written by Nancy Myers, you'd better walk away cause it's the same movie again and again. And it'll suck.
Dammit, Elisabeth Moss, you're a Scientologist? http://is.gd/6u2zh
@KevinMarshall Will GI Joe also end at 11pm?
Chloe, why are you wearing bedsheets? #goldenglobes
Yay for Christophe Waltz. Anyone want to watch 'Inglorious Basterds' with me next Saturday, before my birthday party?
Oh James Cameron - way to stay classy and thank the woman you left Sarah Connor for.
<~~~ not seeing Avatar.

"$200 million? That is so much money" - Andy "It sure is, Andy!" - Conan
@bobmaron where are you? We're talking about Las Vegas in zorap.com/onlybymoonlight Bring your guacamole to get in.
@ExoticMoonFlwer you really need to know how awesome you are.
Hey! Bill Hader! Get out of my dreams and into my pants.
http://twitpic.com/yeu5p -

Favorite part of Kill Bill 2 (or one of them) - The Bride stares down at Elle Driver as if to say 'Jesus, you're making a lot of noise.'
On the condition that you call me Esteban...
Want to purchase the Tonight Show? Very easy:http://is.gd/6idAK
@JohnCMayer's twitter cleanse has burst into flames! - Jimmy Fallon
Time for bed!
@anidee http://twitpic.com/y91qc - you look fierce.
@anidee you're always welcome
Song of the day: David Gray "Nightblindness," off the album "Draw the Line."

There's no such thing as an audience of 30 million people - You go Coco #teamconan
Oh Conan, I love you and your passive aggression #teamconan
NBC spent more time building this studio than using it #teamconan
RIP Teddy Pendergrass
http://twitpic.com/xvwsa - @catdsilver were you aware that our kid was so ugly?
@VannyDel http://twitpic.com/y0ko0 - Oh dear, this cannot happen in the Sims 3. And I'm jealous.
@VannyDel I just found a Jessica Simpson Sim. I don't know what to do...
I really dislike Whitney Cummings
My love for the Apple Store knows no bounds.
It started out as a joke but it's becoming reeeeeaaaaaaaaalll.
Public Service Announcement: Kill Bill Vol. 2 is now airing on IFC.
@danewhite007 Oh girl, you know how to do me right.

Conan could go on to host 'Deal or No Deal,' considering that show was canceled.
http://twitpic.com/xvwsa - A moment in the mind of an Elderly John Mayer as a Sim.
http://twitpic.com/xvwsa - New Strip...go inside the mind.
A little more respect is due to Rosie O'Donnell http://is.gd/6aEKT She's canceled her appearance on Leno in support of Coco.
Q:International or Outernational? A:Why not both? Binational sounds nice. http://formspring.me/JohnMayerAsASim/q/40155757
Sleep, everybody!

Q:All time girl/guy crushes. A:Guys - John Mayer, Ewan Mcgregor, George Clooney and Cary ... http://formspring.me/JohnMayerAsASim/q/34869611
I don't know where to begin with how fabulous that is. RT @ecctv: I'll just leave this here: http://bit.ly/8w7Teu
Good to know: Women, cause no one will ever not fuck you cause you're broke.
Effing hell, does every Nancy Meyers movie have to include a vacation of some sort?
Let's play Words With Friends on the iPhone! My username is 'Smb120'. http://bit.ly/2qbpQ
@KarenRowena that's fine! I'll dm you the numbers later lol

Oh, this. I'm down for this too. http://www.formspring.me/JohnMayerAsASim RT @caitinlv: Try it. Try it with me. I know you won't. Pussy.
Q:You catch your boss skimming money via a... A:Get in on the scheme and then let her ta... http://formspring.me/JohnMayerAsASim/q/32841270
@ellebees is your words w/friends name ellebees?
@ellebees your move, bitch.
@SNLUpdate Will it be regular running length?
Q:Rock on, sista. A:Thy will be done. http://formspring.me/JohnMayerAsASim/q/32895968
You look like a nice girl but you're a freak, aren't you? - Charles Barkley
You shouldn't be looking at kids, Rich.
@richgates hahaah
See that look that Jenny Slate keeps giving to Kristin Wiig? That's the same look I get every time I think of Kristin Wiig. Small world.
http://twitpic.com/xhcbp - Take a ride with @johncmayer. He's a great driver.
Come on down to zorap, http://www.zorap.com/cheekiemunkey the password aintright
http://twitpic.com/xhcbp - Take a nice drive with @johncmayer. New strip!
Even if @johncmayer doesn't come back to Twitter, I'll still continue my strips.
Level 4 of Mario Wii - effing crazy
Day 6 of john mayer fanfiction hanukkah
Q:do you shave it? A:Once a month. But legs, every other day - not because it grows back... http://formspring.me/JohnMayerAsASim/q/34551865
The BrewChoo train.
Would you like to donate the purchase of new Sims 3 sets? Please visit http://is.gd/5Z03Z Any amount is greatly appreciated.
A classic - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BodXwAYeTfM

zorap.com/mcsafetyscissor Bring a pickle!
Mr. @richgates, come on over to zorap.com/mcsafetyscissor and bring a pickle to get in
@richgates my hair and i formally invite you.
Let's play Words With Friends on the iPhone! My username is 'Smb120'. http://bit.ly/2qbpQ
You know there's a tweet from @johncmayer coming around 3am, right?
'Life After People' fascinates me.
Found the perfect font for future strips. Now I just need to make more strips.
Would you like to donate to @johnmayerasasim? Please visit http://is.gd/5Z03Z.
Paypal donations are for me to purchase new sets and hair for my Sims, which I then use in strips, @IsabelaLaurence. They are not obligatory
@ben_mayer At least you have pride in your hometown. There's nothing to do in Woodridge, NY worth writing home about.
http://twitpic.com/xgmwc -
Since @MCSafetyScissor left his room, I started up my own zorap. need to be a foodie to get in.
http://twitpic.com/xgmwc - I don't know if @bobmaron would approve, but dammit - it was delicious.
shutting the room off for a minute and coming back after SNL.

Day six of John Mayer Fanfictionhanukkah continues!
Oh, the lulz - http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/years/2010/0107101lambert1.html
"Maybe he can be influenced by the ever proper Madonna, or Britney spears, on the acceptable kinds of kissing..." http://is.gd/5W1GF
Hopeful - http://is.gd/5W1X6
@caitinlv I'm really sorry JMAaS can't properly fill the void...oh if I could.
OOoooh, A fish called wanda.
@tonyheld http://twitpic.com/xaqto - Yes please.
Kill'em with kindness folks.

http://twitpic.com/x25ko -
http://twitpic.com/x25ky -
http://twitpic.com/x25ky - ny current cellphone wallpaper.
"I would be ashamed to walk around naked. I look weird." - girl sitting behind me, endlessly yappering at her date, who I has yet to speak.
And to make my day better, day 5 of John Mayer fanfictionHanukkah continues!
@MCSafetyScissor if she leaves him alone, i want to ask him out for myself...after i find out whether or not he's cute
Oh dear girl, here's a tip - DON'T BRING UP ROOMMATE DRAMA ON THE FIRST DATE. SHUT UP.
"then i won't wear my giant, balloon like miracle bra next time," the girl on the date behind me says. Oh right, like there'll be a date.
@Cheekiemunkey I just feel SOOOOOOOO bad for him. My god, stfu, lady :)
they're leaving, and she's stretching to drive him to his car.
Worst date ever is on it's way out. Gonna stalk you on craigslist.
@IsabelaLaurence livejournal.com/akogfiction
@isabelalaurence *ahem* http://community.livejournal.com/akogfiction/
@IsabelaLaurence patience, i retweeted
@KevinMarshall I think we can officially agree: Fuck NBC.
I swear to god...I'm being fucked with.
@IsabelaLaurence yo te hablo fuerte cuando tu no quires creer que yo no soy John Mayer
ATENCION Brasil: Yo no soy John Mayer
@IsabelaLaurence yes you did, several times. this conversation is over :)
@meeshell78 haha, it's like you're taunting me :)
@IsabelaLaurence It's not a problem, just don't get mad or defensive when I say I'm not him.
@IsabelaLaurence It's not a problem, just don't get mad when I say it. I'd be in a lot of trouble if I lied and said I was him.

@bobmaron Are you aware of how many adoptive daughters you have on twitter? I believe, including myself, there are currently five...
@caitinlv yeah, you adopted him first. I would like to think I was second, considering his resemblance to my actual, less awesome father.
@meeshell78 @bearheadedgirl i think he'd go for it. plus the rest of us love you so why not?
Sitting on my ass, eating candy canes and being a little concerned.
@bearheadedgirl oooh girl, you know it. #peppermintisgoodforme
oh look who's starting a zorap
bring canes to sallyb
@cwm76 Too easy. You clearly mean the gold fleshlight.
@cwm76 come on into zorap.com/sallyb the password is canes. we're discussing your future girlfriends.
@1foxylady what?
@1foxylady oh, lol. .naw we were just joking about all that :)
Some guests on Clean House are really just future guests on Hoarders.
Day 4 of extended hanukkah, @johncmayer fanfiction has been posted again. This time it includes @cwm76. Why God, why?
What have I learned from this latest entry of John Mayer fanfiction? Periods are optional.
@meeshell78 seriously? when people write about who they idolize.
@meeshell78 @bearheadedgirl Sometimes, there's fanfiction involving @johncmayer and jason mraz. I don't get it...
@bearheadedgirl @meeshell78 and for whatever reason, they sometimes include @cwm76. Not in that way, though.
@bearheadedgirl Well, they're both poorly written, in most cases.
@bearheadedgirl @meeshell78 @cwm76 OH COME ON, we all know it's pornly written too.
@k8thompson @bearheadedgirl @meeshell78 -@cwm76 is always written as a stock character, very bland. Has the writer seen his twitter?
@caitinlv @k8thompson @meeshell78 @bearheadedgirl which is sad because if you think about it, @cwm76 would be a spectacular character.
Two weeks til my birthday. Prepping you all.

http://twitpic.com/wqaog - A young @johncmayer plans his future, from the kitchen.
http://twitpic.com/wqb7n - A younger @johncmayer plans his future from the kitchen.
@richgates well come into zorap sometime, dammit!
Q:Pepsi? ,coke? ,other? A:Vanilla pepsi only (I'm responsible for it being ... http://formspring.me/JohnMayerAsASim/q/19067607 #formspringme
Q:Does my ass look fat in these jeans? A:Your ass looks great in those jeans. http://formspring.me/JohnMayerAsASim/q/18742514 #formspringme
I love candy canes.
Where is everyone tonight?
@k8thompson how many people are up in your zorak? i'm not coming in if everyone's bailing in 5... :)
Q:Ever fucked a guy with your cats ... A:Several times, back when I lived ... http://formspring.me/JohnMayerAsASim/q/22195233 #formspringme
Q:DO you have any Advil? A:Aleve. No advil. Advil is for pussies.... http://formspring.me/JohnMayerAsASim/q/22225158 #formspringme
Q:In a song about you, what would t... A:O'Malley, dilly dally, Bali, Salv... http://formspring.me/JohnMayerAsASim/q/22225072 #formspringme
Q:What food takes you to your happy... A:Coffee, tea cake, blackberry torc... http://formspring.me/JohnMayerAsASim/q/22229036 #formspringme
@Nick_Sydney Class-ay.
@Nick_Sydney Sorry, but when your doors are broken, the cats will go where they please and watch what they please.
@Nick_Sydney ah, that's where we differ! Mine are like stoners. They don't so much as watch but just fall asleep in the same room as stuff.
@caitinlv Tell your questioner to start talking to her boss's boobs. Doesn't matter if they're male or female. Works just as well.
Fuck, is zorap still going on? I'm jumping in.
@k8thompson your password's dun broke. please help.
@k8thompson boo...starting up my own then!
zorap/sallyb latenight!
if anyone's still awake, please stop on bah. sallyb.
@SugarPlumKelly that means you!
@richgates and you
where are you @richgates?
Goodnight my darlings!
@rinygrin why would you find someone who will always look 14 years old attractive? That's just silly.
http://twitpic.com/wqb7n - John Mayer as a Sim - just tryin' to feed his future.
Oh good afternoon to me, there's a new John Mayer fanfiction. Second day in a row. It's like the 8 days of Hanukkah all over again.
@eliroth My father looks like a Jewish Cheech Marin. Quite trippy.
Why am I on a Damien Rice kick?
@BunnyEars I was looking over a post about Lost by @_ack and was reminded that he existed.

New @johncmayer fanfiction! Lesson learned? Paragraphs can be more than one sentence long. Elipses = words left out, not trailing off.
http://twitpic.com/wl0g1 - @catdsilver is it the fact that they're making out, that there's a new @bobmaron portrait or that he's drinking a
For everyone, and @richgates - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8zRIRQZRjuk
@richgates the humpty dance is your chance to do the hump.
Memory: listening to @gdgofficial play 'Walking in Memphis' at the cast party for 'South Pacific' - 1995.
@cwm76 wonderful new profile pic!
@IsabelaLaurence i'm now going to stab my ears off. thanks :)
@ShenaniganJenn it turns me on when you do...
@ShenaniganJenn I love you too. Now start spreading the rumor that @johncmayer is DMming you during his digital cleanse.
Cannot tell which is more delicious: tonight's #Intervention or this steak i just made
@IsabelaLaurence no
@IsabelaLaurence for the last time, @sallyblock is @johnmayerasasim. I have nothing to do with @johncmayer.
The father on #intervention looks like my college mentor and Bill Murray combined. In short, I'm in love.
@IsabelaLaurence how am i deceiving you? go through my twitpics. That brunette chick with the gap in her teeth and big boobs? That's me.
Wow, I just described myself as a big boobed, gap toothed woman. I've reached a new level of awesomeness, eh @ShenaniganJenn
Whenever TV spots say 'This program contains material that parents may find unsuitable for younger viewers,' I respond with 'You promise?'
I miss my Sims game. I hope the Apple Store calls me tomorrow so I can get the disc drive replaced.
I made this 3 years ago...before my addiction to the Sims - http://twitpic.com/wpwe4
@richgates how the fuck you been?
Another strip is coming your way this evening.
that little boy on #hoarders is going to make me cry. Omfg.

@bearheadedgirl http://twitpic.com/wg9kz - I fucking love that place.
Want to ask me something? Anonymously? http://formspring.me/JohnMayerAsASim
Goddammit, I'm out of it this evening.
@Cheekiemunkey what's the size
Q:How much wood would a woodchuck chu... A:None. It's a front for a meth lab. http://formspring.me/JohnMayerAsASim/q/18074204 #formspringme
Q:Can I Borrow some sugar? A:You are not my neighbor. But if you were, ye... http://formspring.me/JohnMayerAsASim/q/18075336 #formspringme
Working on a new strip.
@IsabelaLaurence well then get off twitter.
Oh dear, people just keep getting uglier in the soul, don't they?
http://twitpic.com/wl0g1 - First strip of 2010, featuring @bobmaron and @johncmayer. Remember to click on the link to view it in full size.
http://twitpic.com/wl0g1 - Adventures in dreamland with @johnmayerasasim

@caitinlv come to zorap!
zorap.com/sallyb - are you hungover? you'd better be or else you ain't getting in.
RT @petewentz worn down into the ground. i need to be plugged in the wall and recharged. all power to the front shields.
I just googled the most annoying singer on the planet - Joanna Newsom - http://is.gd/5KezA.
Joanna Newsom is disappointed that people call her voice 'Child like.' Maybe she'll feel complimented that she sounds like Yoko Ono dying.
Scotty n'est pas!

JLO's vag just wished NYC a happy
New Year.
Happy New year @johncmayer. you have made my year better in more ways than I can ever tell you.
To all my friends and followers, happy 2010!
http://twitpic.com/w6nrs -
@bearheadedgirl http://twitpic.com/w6f8c - it looks like a yarmulke.
Never underestimate fifteen beers, a little enlightenment and the power of Rob Bass and D.J E-Z rock - My Name is Earl
@ecctv thanks for telling me about E! I was bored and now have something to watch!

From someone on ONTD regarding Rush Limbaugh's reported heart attack, "Hate clogs arteries." http://is.gd/5Hl1J
I may not like Rush Limbaugh, in fact, I detest the man's principles and blatant hypocrisies. However, I do not wish him death.
@RockinRhonda77 it doesn't have a pinhole.
@RockinRhonda77 yeah, i have an appointment tomorrow with the mac store.
i got tied up in something and forgot to come back to zorap. now i'm exhausted. see y'all tomorrow on the last day of the year!
Classy and I love you. RT @Uilos "Mom, I'm going on the LIRR with a bottle of champagne. Not Crack Cocaine!"
http://twitpic.com/w3ct3 -
@johncmayer However, you should know that if you do decide to text late at night, people will forgive you for that. The desire is human.
I wish I could record and share the sound of my disc drive failing to eject my Sims 3 disc. It is sad.
@thesims3 if I lose my new Adventures disc due to mechanical errors with my macbook, can I order a replacement for free?
I got the disc out of my drive! Now to get the drive replaced.
Let's play Words With Friends on the iPhone! My username is 'Smb120'. http://bit.ly/2qbpQ