JM, As a Sim

@TMGLost right. So do you think the show will jump ahead to 2010 in the final hours?
While at the park with Maddy today, a ladybug landed on me. I adoped it and placed it in my will. Fuck you, Walls.
And don't worry @catdsilver I'll take care of diaper duty.
Sitting across from Maddy at a cafe. Why can't every day be like this?
@bendjoolz cupcake wine gave me a headache. i'm sticking to malbec

I will report for duty in 5 days. http://is.gd/cfxUx
"Yeah, well I lived in these houses 30 years before you did, AKA last week" - Miles, LOST. I love and will miss this bullshittery.
Any other LOST fans realize that they only flashed back to 2007 not 2010? They still have to account for 3 years of history?
@TMGLost isn't what's happening on the island only happening on 2007? Don't they still have 3 years to account for?

@Chanosky http://twitpic.com/1os3kp - We'd gotten this done in the airport after he paged me, gotten drunk and d
Should I create a tumbler for @johnmayerasasim?
@MCSafetyScissor HAPPY BIRTHDAY OLD MAN!
Oh LOST...I wish you would never end.

@Vanny_Del I can't speak for @chanosky but I made out with more than a few hundred dollars wrapped around my walker.
@vanny_del @chanosky gets you closer to the ground to help for dipping it low
Trufax: RT @Vanny_Del: @chanosky Just don't dip it too low or your hip will pop out of place and then your wife will be very upset with you.

@MCSafetyScissor Top that: Schwetty Balls and/or The 1993 Soap Opera Digest skit
@ecctv I want to set fire to her hair.
@ecctv sorry, wrong tweet response! :)
@MCSafetyScissor i want to set fire to her hair. she is a one trick pony
@MCSafetyScissor ONE TRICK PONYYYYYYYYYYY!
Stefon is actually my nephew #SNL
Drinking cupcake wine
Just when you think the party is over, it's BLACK GEORGE WASHINGTON! #snl
@solarpowerspork that motherfucker showed up on my doorstep a few years ago, high on a crystal meth bender. It's sad. He's 19 years old.
I really, really hate kristin wiig. I don't care if she works with someone else on tv. i'm hitting mute/changing the channel. diaf.
YOU CLOSED ON THAT? #SNL
can we go back in time NOT hire Kristen Wiig? #SNL
@solarpowerspork Of course I will!
@solarpowerspork I can go back and forth. maybe you can be mine.
@solarpowerspork I think my wife @catdsilver should be okay with it.
woops! i dropped my monster condom which i use on my magnum dong.
@bendjoolz it's a sweet reisling. doesn't taste like cupcakes at all.
"because at bible camp we made this flow charts..." - clerks II
Read it and be amazed, everybody!RT @catdsilver: @JohnMayerAsASim Is there a step up from 'magnum'? If so, you are totally that.
Once again...RT @catdsilver: @JohnMayerAsASim I am your ego stroker. Ba dum ching, bitches.

A new strip! It's hard out here for an old man like me! http://twitpic.com/1nvz1o
New strip featuring Maddy! http://twitpic.com/1nw3d6
everybody, it's @sallyblock's brother's 35th birthday. DRINK!
@caitinlv did i miss something?
Dear god can they fire you Kristin Wiig? PLEASE?!
Oh god, the Bedelia sketch...#snl they're basically picking all the lame ass sketches and putting them in this episode.
way to waste alec baldwin #snl

How bout you just pick me up @Chanosky. I'm hiding out somewhere in the airport. Have me paged. See if they'll page John Mayer as a Sim.
@Chanosky It's even easier if you go to one of those auto-kiosks where you type in the name. Then you can walk away.
Dear Twitter. Quit being a dick. I'm trying to do something.
All I want to do is update my profile pic to match how cranky I am. WTF is wrong with the server?
"Your settings have been changed"? YOU DIDN'T CHANGE SHIT! Thanks for lying to me.
@Chanosky ah so you're starting out nude from the beginning, I see .
@Chanosky ha!
"Would John Mayer as a Sim please come to Gate 31C? Your stripper party is waiting?" @chanosky
@Chanosky there is no graceful way to take off socks on stage. Leaves too much dangling around. This is why Flight of the Conchords called..
@Chanosky them Business Socks.
Happy belated birthday @k8thompson!
does everyone like my new picture?
@whycarolina YAY!

@Vanny_Del did you like my new hairstyle?
http://twitpic.com/1nab20 - WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE AGING IN MY FAMILY?
@Vanny_Del fixed, sweetheart. i'll follow you so hard you won't be able to walk straight.
@Vanny_Del and with that, my wife has stopped talking to me
@Vanny_Del she allows me one girlfriend of each ethnicity.
@_drina my pleasure :)
http://twitpic.com/g6go8 - @vanny_del Just like old times, right? I'm assuming you mean this?
@Vanny_Del http://twitpic.com/1nbv3f - how do you get a hookah? i want one for medicinal purposes. crush up som
@Vanny_Del i tell her everything. she is my soulmate. clearly she knows :)
@Jim_Wolf I'd tell you Lark Tavern but it just burned down :( Let me think...
@Jim_Wolf Justin's on Lark, Midtown Tap and Tea room http://midtowntapandtearoom.com/,
@Jim_Wolf there's the Linda - http://www.wamcarts.org/booking.html
@Jim_Wolf Valentine's is a good college crew but it's a dive and very, very rock. http://www.valentinesalbany.com/
@Jim_Wolf http://www.revolutionhall.com/ it's 10 minutes outside of Albany, still within the district
@Jim_Wolf That would be awesome
@Jim_Wolf i would ask @jaytaylive as he definitely is more familiar. I would suggest staying away from Pearl street as it's filled w/skanks
@bearheadedgirl so you're saying @jim_wolf's album is shit, eh? :)
@Jim_Wolf no, drugs are bad. skanks are stupid.
@Jim_Wolf http://www.mcgearyspub.com/ there's this place
@bearheadedgirl bitches gotta clarify!
@Jim_Wolf I kinda thought you were Jewish cause of your nose. But you're from CT. They have 3 and they're all in @johncmayer's family.
@Jim_Wolf quintessenceny.com, http://www.redsquarealbany.com/home.php (this is very punkish)
@bearheadedgirl You see, @sallyblock's last boyfriend was german. there's a reason she was confused
@Jim_Wolf there's http://www.jilliansofalbany.com/ but it's really a club. not a venue.
@Jim_Wolf your best bet would be to play on the first friday of the month. Most of the venues on Lark street don't usually feature music
@Jim_Wolf (con't) typically open their doors and book a band http://www.larkstreet.org/businesses-on-lark/arts-culture.cfm
@Jim_Wolf not a problem :) just remember, drugs good skanks bad :)
@Jim_Wolf just don't mix them :)
Going to bed now kids. Remember, I see you when you're sleeping.

I know i've been silent lately. I'm gearing up for my world adventure to Toronto in 2 weeks. Maddy is also using me to drive her to work
I thought she was too young to work at the GAP. But apparently, they'll hire a 15 year old.
Look at what happened to me today! @johncmayer does this ever work? http://twitpic.com/1n9uq3
http://twitpic.com/1n9uq3 - Not a new strip, but I'm working on one.
@sarakamin I will try my best to fit that in. but you don't have any shows from may 30th-june 2nd
@sarakamin and hold the fuck on, dave matheson of moxy fruvous?
An update about Walls Mayer http://twitpic.com/1n9xye
@sarakamin That man is effing awesome.
A new strip. Featuring an unlikely @bobmaron and Maddy without chola eyebrows. http://twitpic.com/1nab20
@SugarPlumKelly of course you do. You are an elite fan ;-)
@Vanny_Del plinkity schurby
@Vanny_Del do you have any idea how many times i've gotten those replaced because of you?

really, tryjm? you can't just let a different person mod the site while you're on vacay? i'd do it for you and there would be no tabloids
@yearinla i had to unfollow them because they label people as 'elite' when they're just normal folks
@yearinla not now, but remember back last summer or something there was that 'elite' fan chat?
@yearinla Wanna hear something fucked up? Sometimes, I get you and @whycarolina confused in my brain. I have to look at your pics.
@k8thompson maybe they're all on vacay together
@kisstheground i'd show them up w/blogs/concert reviews that are actual concert reviews, not shit that happened on the way

I got a million ways to get it. Choose one.
So it's a Jay-Z medly? Awesome.
RT @yearinla: I GOT 99 PROBLEMS AND YOU ARE ALL OF THEM #ragewolf
Has anyone told Jay that this is not a full concert? No? Are they afraid to? #SNL
I HAVE 99 PROBLEMS, THEY ARE ALL YOU - http://is.gd/c0ROB The image.
You'll meet the wonderful wizard of ASS! #SNL

My Ex, Betty White will be on SNL in a little under an hour. She broke my heart but was still the inspiration for Your Body is a Wonderland.
Don't break Betty White's hip. That's my job.

Maddy is 'super duper' excited for Toronto. WTF? DO NOT DISAPPOINT ME LIKE THE OTHERS.
RT @nprnews: Isabella And Jacob Were Top Baby Names In 2009 http://n.pr/ad3L3U #LOST

@catdsilver What really sucks is not being able to look at ANY bridge without fear of dying
@catdsilver fuck bridges scare me
My Lady knows what I want. RT @catdsilver: @johnmayerasasim They used to scare me, too. We should just take our boat everywhere.
@MeganRabren link
@MeganRabren for what it's worth, that Lucy bitch bothered me.

Completely uninstalled World Adventures and considering selling it.
Hey, @catdsilver - RT @ebertchicago: I may be an old fart...but I'm your old fart.
Hey @jtimberlake. I've seen this .gif around before. What's it from? Why were you so happy? http://is.gd/bVYOW
Really expecting his long lost princes to start emailing RT @nprnews: Nigerian President Yar-Adua Dies After Long Illness http://n.pr/dpFMX4
@ShenaniganJenn SEXAY!
@vzwsupport your website is slow.
Bunch of priests just walked into this joint. Scared.

@otterbugg Anytime!
Would you like to help in the purchase of new sets for @johnmayerasasim? Now you can. Please visit: http://is.gd/bUgZo No obligations!

Now singing 'Hey Carrie Anne' by the Hollies.'
Also, when updating your saga of JM Fanfiction, NOBODY GIVES A FUCK ABOUT YOUR WEEKEND.
Sorry everyone, it appears I've forgotten to take my pills today. But don't worry, they weren't the important ones anyway.
@Jim_Wolf Is there a list of dates outside of NYC to look forward to?
@Jim_Wolf hooray!

Get ready, TOronto! 28 days until I rape you in the *beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep* PS - Maddy got a job working PT at the GAP
Maddy's job means discounts for @pixolita.
Fuck, are you kidding me? New shitty @johncmayer fanfiction with bad grammar and poor punctuation.
Why can't people just post the story without writing a novel about writing their story? IDGAF what inspired your shitty fanfiction.
No, @ShenaniganJenn but it's on my LJ friendslist. like a bad fire at an orphanage, I cannot look away.
@ShenaniganJenn http://community.livejournal.com/jmayer_fanfic/1611846.html
@ShenaniganJenn and now you cannot unsee what has been seen
@ShenaniganJenn glad i could disturb you this evening
Ninja fighting with Maddy at the beach. Maybe her being 15 ain't so bad...
@catdsilver my heart is with you too

Interesting @johncmayer has changed his zorak colors...

Omg there's a fire!
Everyone's freaking out except for Maddy's dad, who's smiling. WTF?
Fire is out. But my wife is fucking mad at me for some reason.
@VannyDel i'm coming in soon for you
@johncmayer zorap.com/vannydel use a goldenshower to get in.