JM, As a Sim

http://twitpic.com/jgi4l - It's epic. It's an origin story. Original @johncmayer tweet: http://twitter.com/johncmayer/status/1602091353
http://twitpic.com/jgi4l - @johncmayer In case you were wondering, I fall more in love with myself every day.
This latest strip was like great sex. I'm spent and could use a cigarette.
And in case anyone was curious, I curse like a gangsta - http://cursebird.com/JohnMayerAsASim
@cwm76 Thanks. Nightmares for a week. Will also attempt that haircut if I'm feeling lucky. *vomits*
@cwm76 @ben_mayer Show this to your brother http://twitpic.com/jgi4l
@shenaniganjenn This Jew appreciates that appreciation.
@shenaniganjenn it took me like an hour to make this one. jaysusaurus rex. I'm going to bed.
http://twitpic.com/jgi4l - In case any of you missed it...John Mayer as a Sim has some stuff to atone for this Yom Kippur as well.
@Starbucks I had a flight from Albany to LAX in May and brought the samples you'd mailed out at the time. Perfect for it!
RT @koreantomcruise: please RT! red cross emergency appeal for flood victims in the phillipines: http://tinyurl.com/ycbkxaa
This is fascinating - RT @aplusk: Time Lapse Typhoon "Nangka" Over Hong Kong http://bit.ly/dI6Rt
That Nelson Muntz short film in "Any Given Sundance" nearly made me cry. Holy shit.
@elvisduran Since you've probably already heard it, is it lovely? I'll bet it is.
INTERVENTION MONDAY.
@idlikethat I'm very upset to not be included in that mess of RT's.
@ShenaniganJenn Oh hale naw.
God damn, Charles Grodin got old.
I could give a shit if there's a Pre-sales event for @johncmayer's upcoming tour. Honestly, does it matter where you sit? Listen with ears.
So obviously this means I have not signed the petition for @johncmayer's tour.
@alloveralbany GBV?
From now on, I'm going to watch only 58 mins of Intervention and then change it before the white on black screen tells me they've relapsed.
Does Julia Stiles still walk around with her mouth gaping open and call it acting?
@JHysler What do you tinychat about?
A+ RT @cotlife: We are bummed that we aren't playing so we are cranking "Wind Beneath My Wings" by Bette Midler and screaming it. Soooo good
@JHysler it's all JM related, isn't it? what time you doing this? I'll probably be thinking up a new strip. link up!
TURTLES, TURTLES, TURTLES!!! RT @thefinebros: Adventures in Disneyland ! Check out our latest mission http://bit.ly/WSp3 #fiestamovement
@THEFINEBROS - Do you have a hard on for those teacups or something?
@VannyDel why hello. I hope you enjoy my strips and share them with fellow @johncmayer fans! :)
@VannyDel And now you can picture him as a 75 year old 3D character, stuck in a house with 2 sons and countless grandkids.
@VZWSupport any word yet on a twitter app for the LG Env Touch? I'm lazy and impatient and addicted. Thank you for your time.
Fuck yeah! http://twurl.nl/jdmxrx #stuffIcareaboutwhichyoudont
There is food somewhere. It is waiting for me.
Why do people think Jeff Dunham is funny? He's not. I don't understand. You can see his lips moving. Eff him.
I'd like to set him on a fire started with his shitty puppets #badideasIdlovetopursue
@VannyDel I'm a fan of setting him on fire.
@johncmayer You should make this your next album title, or at least your B-Sides title.

Oh god, my ex has tried the Jabberwocky on me.
I hate you, Kristin Wiig, just kidding, no just kidding I do. I want to set fire to your face, you over used hackey sack.
I need a .gif of Bill Hader from this sketch on SNL - Live Lounge.
@ShenaniganJenn The answer is to all of your questions is that like all us Jews, he's highly fuckable.
They just dropped the eff bomb on SNL.
@eliroth i am so turned on by this, you have no idea.
Trufax: Snuggies were invented by cult leaders who intend on taking over the world.
@eliroth I'd say f*(k myspace, but apparently, you already have.
@eliroth you know blueberries can leave a stain right? be careful.
http://twitpic.com/g6g7u - A classic strip. @johncmayer, as a sim doesn't like kids, he likes making them and making music. A new one ...
@WhitneyCummings And you can practice along the way. Awesome.
http://twitpic.com/jdvhp - For my new followers, in case you wonder what this is all about. @johncmayer. Original tweet: http://twitter. ...
I could watch the last half hour of Shawshank forever and ever.
@BearJewFacts Was unaware you lived so far away. How did you come to live there?
@BearJewFacts I wish you lived closer. We can hang and have an awesome time with our imaginary selves. I would settle for your following me.
@BearJewFacts that, i can do.
@JHysler I forgot about that song. Is there a copy somewhere? Didn't he only put out a snippet?
@JHysler and now my love is directed at you.
@mitchfatel Move in with me. You are adorable and sexy and funny.
Awesomely so. RT @cwm76: Casey Wilson 1 - - SNL 0
So @EliRoth left a msg for all fans here & I think it's why I find @johncmayer so attractive. He breaks the 4th wall http://twurl.nl/7c5qex
@questlove As a white person, I'm very sad. @WSJ: Gap Founder Don Fisher Dies at 81 http://bit.ly/grt0v
@ShenaniganJenn did they share tits? eventually, he has to share his dick. dick or gtfo. No apologies.
nutterbutters and oreos gone? damn
@eliroth so when are you going to show us YOUR junk? Please and thank you.
God damn, do I love the Bee Gees
This is like Sliders. Except funny.
Some of you will not like my next strip. Most of you, will jizz in your pants.
Oh wow, Don Draper got his ass kicked.

http://twitpic.com/j11jk - @johncmayer Oh look a new post.
Original @johncmayer tweet: http://twitter.com/johncmayer/status/2399919678
Oh look! It's a young @johncmayer post! I never do this! http://twitpic.com/j11jk
@thomaslennon I love you
@catdsilver well always. And of course I'd make you a hoodie...or link you to the cafepress shop.
http://twitpic.com/j11jk - @ben_mayer, @cwm76 my work here is done. Good night.
@catdsilver it's on.
@johncmayer thank you. the single sounds great!

Watching douchebags get served. I mean, Bully Beatdown is on.
@catdsilver I've changed my photo in your honor. You're welcome and good evening.
RT @TryJM: Win signed JM Guitar, CD and Meet & Greet at NYC Show http://bit.ly/XphrO
Goodnight kids.
Oh. Awake.
@elvisduran i'd give him a condom but only if it were one of those trick condoms that turned his junk blue.
@johncmayer Dun dun dun dun dadada dun daaaaaaaa!
@johncmayer that's also the first sign of an aneurism. SEEK HELP!
@NedraBarrlre Thank you but as I'm imaginary, I don't require weight loss!
@peeweeherman HE'S HERE, EVERYBODY!
@johncmayer how can you follow Pee-Wee but not me? Oh dear.
@ShenaniganJenn hooray? ithink...
Hand me my suicide ax...
@idlikethat ha, no. it was a line from the Simpsons episode I'm watching :)
@idlikethat I'm not going anywhere. I like myself.
RT: I'm back! Follow Pee-wee! Someone who RT's this gets a phone call from me tonight! #peewee@peeweeherman
@catdsilver http://twitpic.com/izsra - I enjoy this.
I feel like reading some wank, like it would take the edge off this shit day.
RT @Danny_DeVito: 10 PM FX NEW "IT'S ALWAYS SUNNY IN PHILADELPHIA" THURS. 10 PM FX TONIGHT!!!! HOLLY FIRE BALLS.
Oh wow - http://roflmaosmoc.com/
@Johncmayer I really don't know why you haven't just gotten your phone implanted to your hand. But I guess you're waiting til retirement.
I win at Jeopardy!
Oh shiit it's FlashForward time.
@johncmayer It's nice to know talent has nothing to do with it.
@johncmayer did he seduce you with his tobacco scented copies of 'Love in the Time of Cholera?'
I love you Bill Hader.
I think anyone would make great strides opening with 'Hi, I'm not George Bush.' Watch, I'll try it...
'HI, I'm not George Bush. I'm John Mayer, As a Sim.'
And if I'm being honest, I'm not really John Mayer as a Sim - I'm @sallyblock. I'm awesome. Bow the eff down.
@Uilos you go online, you go on aim now!
I was born ready. I'm Ron f*king Swanson.
Ha, the number one trending topic on twitter is spelled wrong. Losers. #it'sspelledyou'relame
Yay someone fixed that #yourelame
George Lopez, I love you because you remind me of my first love's father. Yummy.
YAY: @georgelopez's comedy special is on. If you missed it, you can see it recycled and at 90% reduced quality when Carlos Mencia follows.
@ShenaniganJenn i'm not sure if that was a compliment but I'm blushing internally and out because of you :)
@ShenaniganJenn I need/want to update tonight but I've been emotionally drained this week.
Really? I don't own a John Mayer piece of clothing? Perhaps for the upcoming undated winter tour I'll create a JohnMayerAsaSim Hoodie
@ShenaniganJenn I'm used to it. I piss off my friends more than you know.
Eff Jay Leno, it's always sunny in philadelphia
@scottycrowe that works until you cut off the circulation in your legs or your friends kill you for looking like hipster douche
@ShenaniganJenn teeheeheehehehehehehe I have an inner fan girl but I'm not an asshole about it. The strips speak for themselves.
@catdsilver Well yeah! Bitches gotta be represented all up and DOWN the East Coast!
Why is Seven such a happy word for that little Asian girl on the Windows commercial? Has she seen the movie? Someone should educate her.
This is not new. RT @huffingtonpost: Thousands Have Illnesses Related To 9/11 Attacks http://bit.ly/15YNjz
Letterman is featuring the New Zealand Prime Minister. I was expecting the guy from that episode of Flight of the Conchords. Disappointment.

Thanks for sharing. Am now blind. Need brain bleach. RT @KevinMarshall: WHAT?! http://tinyurl.com/lfk56s
Why is Yoplait running their save/lick the lid campaign during a swine flu outbreak?
@rafaeldekort9 uhm, thanks. I'm working though.
Goodnight children. It's been a long day.
Btw - I gave one of you my phone number for good behavior. Learn from @catdsilver's example.
@elvisduran you sure about that?
@elvisduran Because that's not the typical response to this twitter account. The typical response is 'Wtf are you?'
@koreantomcruise Good thing I didn't waste my day off spending my hard earned unemployment dollars on pussy. Thank you.
@idlikethat I need to watch it again. I've had it since my birthday (January) but have only seen it once. Sounds wonderful on vinyl!
@idlikethat why did they cut out the cursing on it? Am I remembering it correctly? They let Mayer curse on 'Any Given Thursday.'
@idlikethat hehe, they bleep out the expletives that JM uses. On 'Any Given Thursday,' he sings 'Leave this shit behind' on 'Why Georgia.'
@idlikethat It's a shame. I love it when he does it. It makes him more human.
@idlikethat and then 14,000 teenage girls scream because he used a 'bad word.' Gets me every time.
@idlikethat but in the end he will. And it'll be awesome.
@elvisduran check out http://jmsim.blogspot.com or http://twitpic.com/hwlc4 if you're confused. But you're sharp. Should get it.
@WhitneyCummings It really works both ways.
Trying to download 'Only By the Night.' Taking forever to get past the last .9 mb. Suuuuuuuck.
Maybe if I'd downloaded it a year ago when it was cool, I wouldn't be having this issue. Look at me being behind the times.
Oh god, Mackenzie Phillips is talking about IT on Oprah. I'm gonna call it "IT" from now on.
@landitagomez Mackenizie Phillips is the daughter of Rock Legend John Phillips of the Mama's and the Papa's (California Dreaming).
@landitagomez Nothing to laugh about. Mackenzie Phillips is coming forward with her story of consensual incest between her and her father.
@johncmayer oh...you
I like that Mackenzie said 'Interesting that [my family members] aren't worried that it might defame me' with regards to the story.
I'm glad she said it. Victim blaming is one of the worst side effects of child abuse, often more psychologically harmful than the abuse.
@johncmayer This one's for you http://bit.ly/4ikoXq
@idlikethat ha I have no idea. I youtubed it.
@idlikethat I wish I'd gone on that cruise.
@scottycrowe what do these numbers mean? this is like watching lost.
@idlikethat I hope he comes to Brazil. I've seen him about 6 times and I forget that some haven't seem JM at all.
it honestly sounds like the douchebag across the street is singing 'fucking fuck you away.' I don't understand.
Ladies and Gents: What are some of the douchiest songs you know? Please tweet them to me so I can play them on my stoop. Musical terrorism.
@johncmayer I took the day off because I didn't have enough to make it through the day. Thank you. Please write 'Why Syracuse' as a sequel.
@ShenaniganJenn why thank you! please see http://jmsim.blogspot.com/ for my past or http://twitpic.com/hwlc4 for an explanation.
@ShenaniganJenn And by the way, thanks for the add!
@catdsilver What's your octave? I'm a contra-alto and shall one day sound like Bea Arthur.
I love how attractive I continue to make myself to the twitterverse. You're all welcome.
@elvisduran BTW I'm also a big fan of 'Dreaming with a broken heart...' http://twitpic.com/gox7v
Incredible photos of the Australian drought and dust storm - http://bit.ly/MuDYp
"Slow Dancing in a Swimming Pool" RT @jordanrubin: Your body is a legoland #1stDraftSongLyrics
It's official - my creator needs to marry the husband from ABC's Modern Family...or a reasonable facsimile. You guys, make it happen.
@ShenaniganJenn welp, that's a good enough reason to follow me as ever :)
Oh wow, the new ABC wednesday night comedy lineup does not suck...yet.
I love Christa Miller
Is ABC the hottie channel or something? The men they're featuring...omg.
@elvisduran But on a serious note, please tell me how much you love me.
Ladies & gents: Go see @KevinMarshall's work & later perform during the @confettistage Short Play Festival in Albany, NY. Starts tomorrow!
@BrandonBarash I LOVE your new background! I don't care when it was added. Also, am friends with Lisa Lo's cousin. You're both great on GH!
@brandonBarash please forgive the massive name dropping. I suck like that sometimes.