JM, As a Sim

NOT LESLIE NEILSEN! He married Dorothy in the final episodes of 'The Golden Girls.' Non-dominational Prayer circle for Betty White NOW!
@cablestiwa I don't know what or who you're talking about or who you are

@stefanodimera will be there in 3hrs.

@SafetyScissor It shouldn't hurt, they can vouch for your straightness.
http://johnmayerasasim.tumblr.com
Photo: http://tumblr.com/xsrrk1bwz
Wondering what the fuck this is? - Here’s an explanation as to what the fuck this is. Enjoy. http://tumblr.com/xsrrk267z
@Vanny_Del I love you, chocolate bunny :)
@Vanny_Del btw, tell your friends I now have a tumblr. My balls are tingling. Is this normal?
Wondering why the floor is sticky, @Vanny_Del? I just came.
Photo: I was horrible back then… http://tumblr.com/xsrrk33sa
tumblrbot asked: WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE INANIMATE OBJECT? http://tumblr.com/xsrrk36dl
@Vanny_Del AS IF they were detachable.
@Vanny_Del don't knock it til you've tried it
@solarpowerspork and now it is an online game, or will be soon or something.
@solarpowerspork I look forward to this day.
@solarpowerspork twitter name @ gmail dot com
Good night kids. My balls need some sleep.
Photo: I like going for rides in cars… http://tumblr.com/xsrroxvbb
Photo: I was young and in love. I don’t remember her name. http://tumblr.com/xsrroycge
Photo: But she loved me, like nobody else. http://tumblr.com/xsrroyfx7
Photo: I mean, look at me. I was fucking hot back then. http://tumblr.com/xsrroyjno
Photo: So whatsername and I married, and immediately had a baby or something. http://tumblr.com/xsrroyr8q

Oh, @SafetyScissor really? you're doing the no homo bullshit? I had higher hopes for you.
@SafetyScissor I was gonna say, before you used it, everyone thought you were totes gay, including your first and last girlfriend :)

Please donate or pass the plate if you can. We're nowhere near the $500 registration deposit yet:http://twurl.nl/gm1ol0
Hi John, you might not remember me but I have had a cr… — I'm terribly confused. I'd rather not click a link be… http://4ms.me/b5Au3Z

Want to stalk me in my youth? Well Tryjm's back. But you have to kiss a lot of ass over there. Fuck that. visit @IOMNJM please.
Ahem, @Benjamin__Linus *whanna*
@Benjamin__Linus I miss our late night chats on the beach. I'll be back for a tune up soon enough...
Yay for my creator @sallyblock getting into massage school! Donate anything to her registration fund if you can - http://twurl.nl/2cb867
And yes, @sallyblock will accept pieces of yarn.
Goodnight everybody! Love - me and my balls!
@Nick_Sydney @chanosky Where the hale is Mr @bobmaron anyway? It's been a year since I've met him and I wanted to say thanks again for all.

Ladies and gentlemen: Tonight, I heard 'Dick in a Box' for the first time in a year. A romantic song, it truly stands the test of time.
Yeah but you have to be sure you know where it is first. @ProSexTips What's the best way to stimulate the economy? Always work the clit.
@ProSexTips Or else, what's the point, really?
Can I dip my balls in this chocolate sauce? I'm alone. I'd have to clean it off myself. @NOTCATSILVER @VANNY_DEL @CAITINLV COME HALP ME!
@Vanny_Del Because twitter fucked up their settings to allow such things.
@Zardoz5555 No, but my life would be infinitely more interesting if I could...

Tomorrow I shall be the king of laundry
@MeganRabren i feel the need to know the backstory behind this
@MeganRabren I don't want to catch The Dumb
Maddy is becoming a woman. I don't want to know anything about this. EVAR.
@katerspie which store?
Hey @katerspie tell him to suck a dick.
Hey, @notcatsilver will you talk to Maddy about feminine shit? I don't know a damn thing about it and don't want to traumatize her for life.

Good morning/afternoon everybody. My Darling Maddy needs some fashion advice for a first date. I'm going to kill the boy so nevermind.
Important 'In Living Color' clip - http://twurl.nl/i6pypl

Harro ladies
Please hekp someone make their dream come true! Donate or pass the plate. http://tumblr.com/xejp9ilr8

I like you RT@Chanosky: In Dallas this sunday night: will sign autographs to any of my fans who'll ask. And, ok, will hand 5 bucks, too.
@Chanosky and I like your style

Help a bitch out, my creator has a dream. RT: @SallyBlock: http://tumblr.com/xejp9ilr8”
My creator wants to go to massage school and needs your help. Donate or pass the plate. http://tumblr.com/xejp9ilr8
Hi kids. I miss you all and your Rita. Shlibbity schlorb. How are you this evening?
Rita should've been kids. Fucking auto correct.
@Uilos my old man balls and i are still confused..
@mindykaling Farookh Balsara

Please send me your self addressed stamped matzoh.

Happy birthday @vanny_del! Kleebity schlorb with love, my chocolate sex bunny.
Also, @vanny_del, Maddy sends her best and wants to take you shopping with my platinum visa. Go for it.
Every single time
No, not Jill Clayburgh...#RIP

Anybody want a 30% off coupon for GAP's Give and Get event? Respond and I'll follow you so you can DM me your email for the coupon.
The 30% Give and Get coupon is good for multiple uses 11/11-11/14 at Gap/Banana Repub/Old Navy and outlet stores & good for one online sale.

@conormichael I would host it and it would be the happiest episode ever.
Grow a backbone you dumb fuck. RT @nprnews: Bush Says Kanye West's Attack Was Low Point Of His Presidency http://n.pr/d8bytK

Christ, again? I'm sorry Lilly Allen, my thoughts are with ya. http://twurl.nl/0ao6md

@voose_lagina You mean Bon Jovi's not that guy who's best known for 'Who Says You Can't Go Home?' and 'Have a Nice Day.'
@voose_lagina anyone who doesn't know that needs to diaf.
I'm either high on Mucinex or Richard Alpert just walked into my starbucks
Good morning from Meth Mountain: http://twurl.nl/p402s3
I scared my granddaughter Maddy this morning when she woke me up, wasn't expecting me to have dark brown hair. She ignores that I was famous
Lots of hot MILFs coming to my house this evening for candy. Where's my wife? Beating them down on the lawn for hitting on me.
@Pikabee but i still lurve ya, as an old perverted man